The hard choice
Last year, when I was just 18-years-old, I found out I was five months pregnant. For most people, this is wonderful news. When my doctor said the words, ‘you are pregnant,’ I pictured a happily married couple with good jobs sitting in my place and grinning at each other. Truth be told, I never planned on having kids, so it came as quite a shock. I remember sitting there beside my mother and not being able to speak. My eyes slowly filled with tears and I looked down at the floor. The moment, if I were to describe it, was similar to being told the world was coming to an end. That’s what it felt like. My chest got all tight and my breathing became rapid. I got up and left the office. I went outside, where my dad was waiting in the truck for my doctor’s appointment to finish. I got in and I started to cry. He put his arms around me and asked what was wrong. In my opinion, there’s nothing harder than telling your father you’re pregnant. I could see the sadness in his eyes, but I realize now that he was upset because I was crying, not because of what I told him. When we got home, I called my boyfriend and went to see him. I told him in person because I wanted to make sure we could talk about it. He was distraught, to put it politely. He wanted me to ‘take care’ of the problem. At first, I agreed. We were young, still in school, living with our parents and flat broke. We were not fit to be parents. Two days later, I went to the clinic. My mother came with me, even though both my parents oppose abortions. It was then, as I sat next to other young women in my situation, that I realized something. I had a revelation, so to speak. I realized I was taking the easy way out. Something inside me told me to leave, to walk away and never come back. It was such a forceful urge that I stood up right then and left the packed waiting room. I was shaking, but as soon as the fresh air hit my face, I knew I was doing the right thing. I drove away from the clinic with a sense of relief, which surprised me. It was the first time I had smiled since I found out I was pregnant. I never regretted my decision. In fact, thinking back, it scares me to know how close I was to destroying the best part of me. I’m now in my final year of college and I have a beautiful eight-month-old son named Hendrick who has the biggest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Not only have I discovered an indescribable love, but I’ve learned I’m a lot stronger than I ever imagined. Even though everyday is a struggle, my son keeps me going and always manages to put a smile on my face. Hendrick is truly the best thing that ever happened to me. He is the source of all my happiness. As it turns out, my boyfriend and I are very capable parents, despite our age and financial situation. We know now that all you need is love and patience to raise a child. We worked through everything together and when our son was born, we both had tears of joy in our eyes. We fell in love instantly with Hendrick and grow more in love with him each day.
January 21st, 2009 at 4:35 pm
what a great story…thanks for sharing!