Parenting Blind/When sight escapes us

Alright, now that everyone is in bed and I can chill for a minute or two before bed. I thought I might get down to writing a little something helpful here.

Well since school has started my time is less than I believed it would be.  The homework list is never finished. For this I can only work out what has to be done now and what can start the next day’s list. Can’t stress about that part.  I’ve got Wednesdays with no classes and the weekend to put dents in the list and prepare for the next week.

I’ve taken to cooking things ahead of time and then freezing the meat for meals.  This allows Peter to pull out and thaw dinner each day. Heating in the microwave for Peter now that we have the raised markers identifying specific keys is a snap.  He can peel potatoes and cook them on the stove for mashed potatoes or I can set the rice cooker before I go to school. He just pushed the button and it stops automatically.

I’m giving us more roasts, chickens, meatloaf, sheppard’s pie, stir-fries, frozen vegatables, pasta and rice. 

Ben is settling into Daddy taking him to his bus driver in the morning for preschool. To find his shoes in the morning Peter keeps them in Ben’s school bag. I make sure every evening that Ben’s bag has everything he’ll need for school and that there’s no t-shirts going mouldy in his bag.

A big thing now is how will we manage laundry without the help of Grandma. For those whom have read earlier posts. Grandma went into the hospital for a knee replacement.  Unfortunately, she had developed blood clots in her lungs, however this has now fixed itself and she is on to physical theropy now.  Her goal is to come home next week, funny this time last week she was in the ICU.

Now they change the washing machines regularly with different models for the last year.  We’ve had these ones for a while so I am hoping that I can get Peter used to finding the buttons on the touch pads as these are public washing machines and we can’t put raised markers on them. 

Lunches of sandwiches, eggs, hotdogs, chicken strips, cheese and crackers seem to be a hit with Ben and relatively easy for Peter to prepare.  But Ben is now in a picky state and at dinner might only nibble at his vegatable if we’re lucky. He’s latest food jags are ice cream (we can say no even when he throws a tantrum.) and cearal bars.

He likes peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast and will break up the repetition by asking for “pancake”.  Yes we have word requests for food now I am so glad.

Ben is now going for naps on his own. He just goes to his room, closes his door and goes to sleep when he’s tired.  No fuss no tantrums. I’ve never seen a 2.5 year old that’s so sensible I know he doesn’t get that from me.

I took Ben one evening to my college to pick up something I could only get at the college’s bookstore.  He was fasinated and has tried a couple of times to come with me in the morning with a little “me too”. 

He’s got the concept of “me”, “mine”, “Daddy’s” and “Mommy’s”.  He was unhappy when he found Daddy holding my hair brush, he grabbed it from his father while saying, “Mommy’s!” and brought it to me.

He gets the idea that Grandma is a subsitute for Mommy, but he really prefers Mom and I quote, “Mommy! No Grandma.  Bye Grandma.” and he proceeded to push her walker to the front door. Grandma was still eating dinner at the time in the dinning room. She had cooked a dinner for us all before going into the hospital.  Talk about being rudely put in your place. Only a 2 year old could do that and not insult anyone. I think we all know people we would love to say similar things to.

Well night folks I’m off to bed it’s enough rambling now. Oh and for those interested I’m averaging so far about a B on the assignments I’ve handed in so far and certain students have made sure I understand that I’m want in the serious study crowd. Therefore, I’m calming down and not feeling so stress.  But I’ve caught a cold that’s now yet another sinus infection so I’ll be studying in the doctor’s waiting room for yet more antibiotics tomorrow morning.  I’m not going to let this infection get out of hand.  I can’t afford it.

ttfn

Ok it’s been two weeks now.  Here’s how it’s going.

I’m losing my mind with the amount of homework and technical information being thrown at times literally at me.  The supply list is endless and the money isn’t.  Up side the medication for my hands is beginning to help my arthritis and the pain is lessening.  I had a mini breakdown in drafting class last Thursday, but I actually wasn’t the only one. Who would have thought from all the decorating shows that an Interior Decorator actually needs to know how to Draft.  It’s like 10% fluffing pillows.

Ben’s doing mostly okay in school.  He’s getting over Mommy being away for long stretches at a time and he’s discovered Daddy isn’t so bad. Though he’s beginning to show the same signs I did in school, however the teachers are able to get him back to the task at hand and not take over the situation and derail everything for the other kids.  He’s finally beginning to talk and with Peter at home with him I think it’s encouraging Ben to use words over sign now. So I’m thinking this may just be good for Ben after all.

Grandma had her knee operation and got complications with blood clots in her lungs.  She went into the ICU a week ago Friday and got out this morning.  She’s on the mend and going on to rehab. now. 

So life is good.  Stressful but good.

Peter’s finding ways of keeping things straight with Ben’s clothing, lunch making, help with dinner preparations, making phone calls and generally overseeing the house while I’m at school.  Now if only he could figure out how to wash the crayon off the walls and fridge before I get home all would be well.

Oh and get the yogurt out of the black sofa…. Kids got to love them.

In my next blog post I’ll post some of the things we have started doing to keep everything straight for Peter. From where the tiny shoes are kept to where to find emergency phone numbers.  The computer has become Peter’s life line for so many things now.

ttfn now for a little sleep before I have to get up and make dinner and go to school. 

Now that school is getting closer I’m getting nervous.  Will I actually be able to be successful? Can I let go of control of the home to Peter? Will Ben adjust?

The government has come through with the money earilier then expected so Monday I go pay and get my school supplies.  I’m dying over the cost of school supplies for this course.  I’m well and truly in sticker shock.  I thought the were exagerating the book and supply costs at first.  But now I’m worried I won’t have enough for next semester.

Not only did I have to buy all the normal school supplies I needed locker supplies, drafting supplies, painting and art supplies. I just can’t believe how much they expect us to take back and forth to school and none of it will fit in a locker.

Well at least I have a locker for boots and coat this winter and those normal supplies I’d carry in my purse so I don’t have to drag those around.  They also have a gym there and I believe I can fit about 3 hours a week in at the gym if I plan to get to school at a regular hour and my class continue to be varied.

They’ve actually put my class schedule on the internet week by week for every student.  It’s not finalized but it’s there. They mailed everyone a list of supplies and books but will be giving out these in a more complete version at the orientation meeting.  I’m hoping I only need 1 or 2 more books for next semester at the rate the money is going.

Ben’s grown again and right out of his shoes 3 weeks before school and 1 week after I bought his new shoes.  His t-shirts seem to fit, but I’m wondering if he’ll need new pants and I’m hoping the shorts he has will last him until the end of the school year.  I’m still looking for a pair of snow pants and winter boots for him.

I need a fall jacket, winter jacket and winter boots still.

All the hats, scarves and all but 1 pair of mittens have been made for this year. I need to make Ben a second pair of mittens just in case they get left at school. I’m pondering a second scarf for him too.  Last years ones barely fit at the end of last year.

We’ve been able to get subsidy again for Ben’s preschool and the teacher he is getting he just loves.  Now it’s this “I only want Mommy. Mommy is the only one that will do.” phase to end. Oh and the “Mine!” stage when he uses something or feels you are taking something away it’s “Mine!”

However, we are now getting words. “Ben do you have a dirty diaper?” “No dirty diaper.” is the response we get.

“No nap!” “No bedtime!” “No t-shirt.” “No shorts.” “No diaper!”

oh yes that last one comes with a temper tantrum.  He wants to be naked and not where a diaper.  He doesn’t want the potty.  No he has to when he wants to sit on the big toilet.  He hasn’t done any thing yet.  But at least I got a potty that changes into a child’s toilet seat ring and step stool.

I’ve hyper organized the house except for the closets.  I have to wait for when I have a day off school (every wednesday) and do one closet a week.  I’ll talk to Peter about donating everything we’ve been trying to save for another child because with the medications I’m not on it’s not safe or fair to any child I have.  The chances of birth defects are just too great.

So the clutter control club may be hearing from me again. In the near future when I tackle that.  There’s also house plants that need bigger pots to be planted in desperately.  My aloe plant attacked a dinner guest last night.  Literally. Until later.

Well just like everyone we’re rushing around getting things ready for school.

My list goes for Ben:

- new shoes

- new backpack

- knit hat mitts and scarf

- snow pants

- boots

Mom’s back to school list:

- pens

- sticky notes

- zippered binder

- sticky flags

- high lighter pens

- art supplies (not sure what yet)

- porfolio case

- books

- lap top computer

Dad’s needs:

- bells for Ben’s runners

- talking meat themometer

Not much but it’s a hurry up and wait for the money to come in.

Once the shopping is done there’s a cooking and baking frenzy going on. 

- need new slow cooker

Sorting out places in the apartment to get room for things.  Too much stuff still.

So I’m busy busy making sure Peter can take over the care of the house and Benjamen.  It scares me but warms my heart.

Well with the garbage strike over I decided I wasn’t going to wait for the funding people to figure out that they had missed processing my file. Note: I’m trying to go back to school but am on permanent disability pension. I’m sick of sitting at home being unproductive. I want my son to be proud of me, but my Doctors would not let me return to my old profession. The stress was literally toxic to me. So I decided to go from computer programming to interior decorating.

So three weeks past the due date for a reply I started making noise. Going through the usual channels produced nothing, not even returned phone calls. Since the funding was coming from the government I called my MP. Three weeks of their foot work and changing my file from one program to another and I’ve been approved to return to school this September.

I am NOT ready. No paper, no binders NOTHING. Now I’ve got to prepare for everything. College is different from when I went almost 20 years ago. Now there are services available for me to get that specifically work with my disability (20 yrs ago it wasn’t even recognised as a valid disability). They will help me get the most from my classes while still making my necessary doctors apointments or adjusting work loads and such.

Ben’s heading back to school at the same time half day monday to friday so he’ll only miss me in the afternoons. I’ll be continuing this blog and including the life’s changes we make to things from meal making, preparing Ben to go and come home from school.

I’ll write about how we get life adjusted so that Peter can confidently take over more control of the household routine.

Grandma is going into the Hospital in September to have her other knee replaced so in the beginning Grandma won’t be here to help. December I get my sinsus operated on so I’ll make notes on what I do to get ready for all this.

From maximizing freezer and organizing them, to how I’ll pre-cook types of meals, to how I set-up meals before I go. It’s not just dinner I have to worry about.

Then there’s school bags, lunches, dressing, shopping and homework.

I’m hoping Christmas won’t be a bust for us. I’m going to see if we can friends to help out with the decorations and such. I’ll try to do Christmas Baking during November and freeze it but we’ll see.

So there’s a few topics for the future. TTFN have to go make dinner now.

I just started knitting a pumpkin costume for Ben and it’s elaborate so I hope I can get it finished in time. 

After that I’ll be starting my knitted craft gifts for friends and family, and planning Christmas long in advanced.  I’ve just been told that my Christmas is ruined for me as I’ll have my sinuses operated on on Dec 15th and will have a two week recovery period.  Pretty much I’ll miss out on Christmas and New Years.

     I think I’ll decorate the windows and around the room, but the Christmas tree set up I’m still debating.  Foods like Christmas dinner and desserts will have to be curtailled to the minimum because I don’t want any complications. 

I feel sorry for Ben because this will probably be the first Christmas he understands.

Perhaps the next post will give tips on decorating for the season with sighted and blind friends in mind.  And of course young children and environmentally friendly.

Ben is now 2yrs 8months old and the doctors will not say for sure whether he has all his hearing because he won’t co-operate with their tests.  We are going to visit Branson Hospital for these tests every 2-4 months. 

It’s a long journey through the heart of Toronto to get to the hospital and then back again. Thank heavens Ben is a good traveller.  I can only wish his Dad was as good.  The word “cranky” is the only word I can acceptably write here to describe his reactions to city driving in rush hour.  I avoid taking him on highways as much as possible.

No one told me in the hospital when Ben was born that the tests would just keep going for things that clearly aren’t wrong.  Ben speaks but his words seem slower to come then his friends.  Yes he fills in for words he forgets or doesn’t know with various sounds, but this is happening less and less.

He’s finally running and can ride a trike easily now.  But they are still looking for something to be horribly wrong.  I’m at the point now I want to call off all these silly excessive testing.  It’s interrupting our lives.  Anyone have any thoughts about this?

Well it’s been over a week now that our garbage strike has been going on.  We’re lucky that our garbage is not picked up by the city but by a private contractor, so we’re only effected by the recycling.

I’m determined not to throw away our recycling but I can’t let it pile up because we don’t have a balcony to put it on.  The answer?  There’s a company called “Got Junk” in Toronto that’s picking up garbage or recycling for $4.75 per bag.  So once I actually get a bag full I’ll consider calling him. 

In the meantime I’m trying to compress it and lessen it and our garbage output.

It’s amazing what a few extra plastic containers can reduce on the freezer bags and sandwich bags.  Ok there’s more dishes to wash but… when you get the large bottles of soap and wash only full sinks of dishes it reduces the water consumption.  Our apartment building can’t handle dishwashers or clothes washering etc in them.  Though we can have air conditioners, which is funny because we are on the ground floor of an almost solid concrete building with no direct sunlight.

I think we’ve only started running the air conditioners on low for a few hours each day in the last two weeks.

The bus stops are getting smelly and are over run with garbage and it’s not just from people waiting for the bus garbage.  People are getting sick with how the picketers are blocking them from putting the garbage where they’ve been told to put it and it’s sick that the picketers won’t let the pest control people from doing their jobs.

What worse is the damage all this is going to do to the parks that are effected.  All those chemicals from the garbage and then the pest control chemicals mixing in the ground. 

Ben won’t get to go swimming this year either because along with garbage men being on strike the community services city workers are on strike too.  Which means his swimming lessons are cancelled. 

So it goes like this:

- no garbage collection

- no kids community programs

- no playgrounds to play in

- no public pools

- no public daycare

- no public health nurse visits (effects new moms)

- no interest by the city or the union to come to an agreement

It’s almost like they want to compete with other cities to see who can stay off work longer.  No one wants to talk about the real issues, the children and families that can’t survive without these services.

Ben’s been home a week now and Peter’s named him “Tornado Turley”.  I think it explains itself.

I’m really noticing how delayed his speech is and how hard he is trying to remember how to say things.  He’s got very few verbs in his language.  He obsesses about certain things and it can take up the whole day just to persuade him away from something.  One of these things is believe it or not, counting and reading the alphabet.  He can count up to 10 and knows his alphabet even though sometimes he forgets how to pronounce the letters.

I’m amazed at how he’s skipped simple language skills and gone towards reading.  I’m just not sure how to bridge the gap just yet but I’m still looking for help and ideas on how to fix this.

Ben often fills in missing words by making sounds if he can’t remember how to pronounce something, “thhh”, “uhhhmm”, “chhhh”… He’s using more word approximations though and I’m hoping they will work into real words. 

There’s a strike of city workers so Ben won’t be getting swimming lessons this year unless the city and union workers stop acting like children.  I’m sick of hearing them say “All we want…” hello? these people are ruining peoples lives because they have no way to get child care and children are being forced to encounter festering garbage.  Where are we? Toronto or a Third world city?  These people are not endearing themselves to the general public.

I’m trying to find other ways to entertain my son this summer but it’s going to be hard with no structure to it.  He craves that structure, already his sleep patterns are thrown off and it’s affecting his temperment in a negative way.

My recommendation try to keep a schedule close to what they are used to so that you will suffer less in the long run.

Sorry to my few readers out there that have been waiting for my next excerpt from my off the wall world.

Update, we’ve all had sinus infections again.  This time though I ended up in the emergency ward with an ENT all but physically biting his tongue when I told him that I’d already seen an ENT who would not operate on me.  Guess what this guy insists on operating after looking at a CT scan.  I’m on 4 different antibiotics and prednazone steroids so that I can breath through my nose and my sinsus can have a chance to drain.  It was so bad I lost my sense of taste and smell.  My balance was off and don’t even let me look at food at the time. 

I am feeling better and the guys are healthy.  I’ll see the ENT again on the 18th and hopefully then book a time for the end of the year or beginning of next to get the operation done.

Now onto what I put into my playground first aid kit.  Yes you can buy these in stores for over $30 CAN if you can find them.  I haven’t.

What I did is get a large dollar store pencil case (2 zips on it so it’s go a wide opening) and I have added:

Anticeptic wipes

bandaids

antibiotic ointment

an instant cold pack

twizzers

bite ointment

tylenol

and a small pack of travel wipes.

Well most of the things kids will get into are scraps, cuts, slivers, bug bites and bumps. 

This can be tossed into a diaper bag or purse.