Technokayla’s Blog

I’m not too sure about this whole Mother’s Day thing. I’m not sure if I’m excited or what… or if I should even bother thinking about it. After all, I don’t even know if Richard’s going to remember it this weekend. Obviously I can’t rely on Aden remembering, since he is only two months old. So, I don’t know… should I really look forward to it? I know I won’t be getting a present or anything… that tends to not happen very often when there’s no money. I guess I’m trying to not get excited, but honestly, I’ll probably be pretty bummed when Richard doesn’t even acknowledge the day. I know I said “when” instead of “if”… I suppose I don’t have too much faith that he will remember it. All these Mother’s Day-related commercials on TV get me thinking… do I even do anything to deserve some recognition on that day? I don’t really feel like I’m a good mom. All I really am to Aden is food; or at least that’s how I feel sometimes. Well, that, and company during the day. It’s not like I’m a super-busy, really awesome mom of the year or anything. I’m not really a multi-tasker… I don’t get anything done during the day when Richard’s at work. I haven’t cooked since Aden was born, and the house has been a mess for the last two months. I’m no Super Mom. Plus, I’m only nineteen… I feel like Mother’s Day isn’t really something I should be celebrating, even though I am a mom. Oh, great… another Mother’s Day commercial. Anyway… don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be able to be an awesome mom who’s totally deserving of the best Mother’s Day gifts, but I don’t think I ever will be. Maybe I should just let it go and forget about it… and wait until Aden’s in elementary school where they’ll make silly little crafts that only a mom could love and keep forever…

The plan was (we hoped) to get a zero-down mortgate (although the chances of that were slim) so we could get a single-wide trailer on the east side of town.  They’re selling for anywhere between $185,000 to $200,000, and it was probably our cheapest option in town.  The condo we’re renting right now is more expensive than that!  It wasn’t a bad idea, since you own the trailer and the lot… so we figured that one day when we had more money we could move that trailer off the property and buy a new, nicer, fancier one and just put it on that lot.  Not a bad plan, right?  Unfortunately, we got our hopes up too much… I was really starting to believe we could do it.  Especially since it was our only plan and we have to be out of this place by July first.  Yeah, a little unfortunate.

So Richard talked to a mortgage broker over the phone yesterday.  They called him back in the afternoon, and the news was certainly not good news.  I guess he owes some money to some collection people that he didn’t even know about, and we can’t get more than $150,000 (I think that’s what he said… I don’t know much about mortgages and whatnot) for another two years, and that’s only if he can pay off those collection people like… now.  I suppose we could always rent another place for now, but the chances of finding something around $1250 a month, which is what we’re paying now, are slim.  Yeah… bummer.  Now Richard’s hoping we can maybe get a rent-to-own place… of course, that will cost quite a bit more a month than renting this place would, but at least we’d get something out of it in the end than we would just renting.  I doubt it’ll happen though… and I’m not going to get my hopes up.  Although, a friend of mine is doing a rent-to-own thing with her boyfriend… it’s a pretty new two-storey house for $1600 a month, I think she said.  I suppose that’s not too bad, right?

Ugh… I hate dealing with money.  I hate it.  If we can’t figure something out, the only thing we can do is split up our family, because I am not moving back in with Richard’s parents, and he refuses to move in with mine.  Understandable.  I won’t try and make him move in with us, and he won’t do that to me.  It would be so, so hard… but it may be our only option.  And anyway, he’s said maybe if we had to do that, Aden and I could stay with him on weekends.  How upsetting.  I hate this so much… why the hell can’t housing prices be as cheap as they are in the states?!

Wow… what a weekend!  It’s no wonder I’m so worn out today!

Friday we decided to have a baby-free night again.  I love those.  We get so much extra sleep (which we always need to catch up on) and we get some time alone that isn’t made short by a crying baby.  Of course, my boobs hate it… they’re so sore within a few hours of Aden’s absence.  That definitely a down-side of him not being with us for a night, but on the plus side, I can pump and freeze quite a bit in one night.  That milk will be nice to have when he starts teething and I no longer want to breast feed!

Anyway, Aden’s Auntie Jenn came to pick him up in the afternoon, which was awesome because it gave me a little bit of time with a friend of mine who I haven’t seen since last summer.  When Richard came home we picked Aden up and dropped him off at my parents’ house for the night.  We didn’t really have any set plans, so we figured we’d just stay home and have some much needed us time.  It was awesome.  But, of course, we always miss Aden way too much by the morning, so it’s always nice when we get him back… no matter how amazing all that sleep was through the night.

Then yesterday we went over to Richard’s parents’ house (which, honestly, is something I tend to seriously dislike) to visit a couple of their friends and have barbeque.  Frankly, there is no way I can ever turn down barbeque… it doesn’t matter who’s house we have to go to to get it!  It wasn’t bad being over there.  Of course, it probably would have been much worse if Jenn, Chad, and Madison weren’t there… they save me in that family, that’s for sure.  It’s always nice for Aden to get to spend time with his cousin.  And it was a beautiful day yesterday, so we didn’t even have to spend that whole time in the house (thank goodness, because with five cats, two dogs, and one smoker, it’s not exactly the cleanest environment, especially when there’s babies around).  Aden and Madison both seemed to enjoy the warmth outside, although it made them both pretty sleepy!

I’m definitely glad it’s summer now… Richard and I both love it outside (even though I have the palest skin you’ll ever see and I burn super easy).  I’m sure once we get into a place that actually gets sunlight on the deck, we’ll spend an awful lot of time outside.

I’m just exhausted right now.  All those trips up and down three flights of stairs on Friday and Saturday were not easy!  We did a bit of cleaning today… Richard’s napping, Aden’s napping… maybe it’s about time I join them!

I can’t believe it’s already May already!  Where have the last two months gone?  Aden will be walking and talking before we know it… and then I’ll never be able to keep up to him.  What a scary thought!  I wish he could just stay little forever… like maybe back when he’d actually sleep at night?  He still sleeps at night… he’d just rather stay up until eleven than go to bed at eight.  Oh well.  I guess that’s just life now…

Aden is so funny to watch.  He’s been trying to put his fist in his mouth for a few days now, and he gets it in there sometimes… but more often than not, he misses and ends up punching himself in the nose or eye.  He usually ends up covered in drool because he rubs his hand in his mouth and then all over his face.  It’s quite funny.  And the look he gives his hand… I love it.  He’ll hold his hand in front of his face, and just stare at it with this look like it’s the tastiest-looking thing he’s ever seen in his life.  He purses his lips and goes all cross-eyed… when I get more batteries in the camera I’ll definitely take a picture.  It’s the greatest face in the world.  A face only a mother could love.  Only kidding!

Okay, so we’ve got this bouncy seat with a rainforest thing that attaches onto it that has music and little animals that move and whatnot.  The batteries in it died maybe the day before yesterday, so Richard went out and bought some cheap ones.  Usually cheap batteries don’t last very long.  I thought these ones might last at least a week or so… but the thing just died!  It didn’t even die gradually like it usually does… the music just started jumping like it does when it’s dying, and then that was it… it stopped.  Yeesh.  Oh, now it’s just clicking and flashing… hopefully Aden’s not epileptic!  He seems more distracted by his slobbery fist anyway…

We’re giving Aden away again tonight… well, okay, we’re getting my parents to babysit over night again, like we did two weeks ago.  We figure it’s good to get some alone time so our relationship doesn’t get put on the back burner due to parenthood.  It’s a healthy thing, I think… but I kind of get the feeling that my parents don’t see it that way.  I’m sure we’ll go out and have a few drinks tonight, which they probably won’t agree with… but I don’t plan on having more than a couple drinks.  I won’t get drunk, anyway.  I’ve got more intelligence than that, I think.  I think it’s a good thing for parents to get a night out alone once in awhile, and we just choose to do it every couple of weeks or so.  It gives us a chance to catch up on lost sleep as well.  Since we first got him babysat two weeks ago, I feel closer to Richard than I have probably since I was in labour or something.

But still.  I love my happy little (unconventional) family more than anything in the world!!