Technokayla’s Blog

I am a wreck.

I just remember that our water is getting cut off.  Tomorrow.  We got a letter a little while ago, saying our water would be cut off on April fourteenth if we couldn’t pay it.  And since this was after Richard’s previous pay day, we couldn’t pay it.  And of course, the cut-off date is the day before the next pay day.  By the time I remembered this, it was after four o’ clock, when City Hall is closed.  And now, we are out of luck.  The bill is nearly three hundred dollars and I doubt we’ll be able to pay it in full once pay day rolls around on Wednesday.

I’m pretty much at my breaking point.  We owe money to every utility company, and it’s not a little bit of money either.  We are so in debt, I don’t know what to do.  I can’t find a job, so I can’t help with bills and there is no way we’ll have enough left over after rent to pay everyone off.  I don’t even know if there will be enough to pay the entire water bill.  And I’m sure the other utilities will be cut off soon, too, with little warning since they all get mailed to Richard’s parents house and they hardly ever check the mail.

I wish we could change our names and move somewhere far away where we could just start fresh and debt-free.

Obviously I haven’t blogged here in awhile!  So… where do I begin?

 In the start of December, we moved into our own place (thank goodness).  It was a perfect time to move, because Aden got to spend his first Christmas morning with just us.  It’s a pretty good place, though it’s small.  It’s got two bedrooms and one bathroom, all of which are downstairs.  The main floor consists of a decent-sized living room, a decent-sized dining area, and the smallest kitchen I have ever been in.  Complete with NO dishwasher.  It makes for a messy kitchen, but we’re living with it.  For now, anyway.  Our lease is up May, so we’ll probably look for a bigger place then.  With the recession going on, there are a lot of bigger places up for rent here that are around the same as what we’re paying here.  We want to get a three-bedroom place, to accomodate for a toy room, or perhaps a future second child.

Aden’s first birthday was on March 9th, and we had a party the day before.  It was a pretty good party, even though we had WAY too many guests for our tiny little place.  I was hoping it would be a nice day, so some older kids could play outside–but of course it ended up being -20 or so!

I can’t believe how fast Aden is growing.  He spent a good part of his baby-hood getting stronger, it seems.  He was crawling by about 6 months, I think, and he took his first steps at 9 months.  By 10 months he was barely crawling at all.  He can move or push anything now!  He’s a beast.  And for the last couple months he seems really interested in learning too.  Now my boy is smart AND strong!  He can say a lot of words, like kitty, hi, wow, mom and dad.  EVERYTHING is a kitty.  He’ll point at a toy, or a lamp or something and say “kitty”.  I love watching him learn new things!

From here, I’ll hopefully keep updating this on a regular basis!  I let it go for much too long.

Things really aren’t going all that well living here.  I thought living with Jenn, Chad and Madison would be a thousand times better than living separately, but it’s just as bad.  The negatives are different than they were before, but they’re still there.  Really, the only good thing about it is that Aden, Richard and I get to be together every day.  Other than that, we’re stuck living in a cold, unfinished basement, where Aden can’t even crawl around because it’s so cold… we never get to do laundry, because Jenn does it almost every day, and on the days she’s not doing any, she just leaves it in the washing machine or the dryer, so I never get a chance to do a load.  All I’ve really eaten for dinner in the month we’ve been here is microwave dinners, because I’m never allowed to eat with them.  We aren’t allowed to keep Aden’s things (even a diaper or two) on the main floor, which was supposed to be shared.  We aren’t allowed to bring our cats here, even though that was a part of our agreement, and therefore one of the main reasons we moved in in the first place.  On the main floor (which, again, is supposed to be shared), they leave their new puppy when the go out, and since she’s not house trained, she just poops wherever she pleases, and so if they’re gone for a long time, we can’t play upstairs because I’m not about to clean up after their animal.  The main bathroom upstairs (the one they deemed ours) has been turned into a dog bathroom at nighttime… they cover the floor in pee pads, and Daisy just poops to her hearts content.  So I don’t want to shower in there anymore, because it smells like dog poo.  Lovely.

 Can you tell I’m annoyed?  I hate living here, but it’s the cheapest option.  We pay $750 a month, which goes towards their mortgage, mostly… and if we were even to live in just a basement suite we’d be paying $800 at the very, very cheapest.  I’d say I’d just suck it up, but it really seems to be affecting our relationship.  Richard and I are fighting constantly.  About every little thing, especially things his sister did.  The worst part is, even if he knows I’m right, he’s never on my side.  He always sides with Jenn, even though she’s the only mostly in the wrong.  Sure, I can be a baby sometimes, but come on… I know it’s reasonable if I’m mad about half the things she does.

Ugh… I’m hoping things start to look up for us soon.

As cheesy as it is, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about life, and how fragile it is.  Two of Richard’s friends passed away a week ago today, one in a house fire, the other in the hospital later that day.  I only met Daniel a couple of times, and I never met Kayla, but this has still seemed to affect me a lot.  I’ve been thinking a lot about how something that tragic can happen to anyone, and when it does, it affects everyone.  It happens with no warning at all, and then suddenly, two people so dear to so many are just gone.  And it seems as if the whole town was connected to them in some way.  And every single person is dealing with it differently.  Richard keeps his emotions pent up inside him, but you can see that he is sad.  He is more stressed than ever now.  Alex, and even Rick (Daniel’s brother) are dealing with it in a way that seems more like celebrating.  I think that’s good on them.  They have been having parties and drinking as if Kayla and Daniel never left.  It’s a happy thing to see.

I’m not sure how I’m dealing.  I didn’t know them personally, but just thinking about how easily death can sneak up on you has really gotten to me.  For them, it was six thirty in the morning, and it happened so fast they couldn’t make it out.  That is the scariest thing in the world to me.  I’m really thinking now that Richard and I should write up a will, or make it known what we want to happen to Aden if we were to be so suddenly taken away.  It’s not like we have any money to worry about, only Aden.  Right now, all I want to do it live life to the fullest.  I want to not worry about money anymore.  I only want to do the things I have always wanted to do, because you never know when it might be too late.  I know that’s not possible and it’s not going to happen, but that’s what I would love to do.  That’s how I would love to deal with this.  Life is too precious to waste.

I can’t believe it’s already September, and summer is over.  More importantly, I can’t believe Aden is going to be six months old in six days.  Has it really been six months since my little boy came into the world?

And speaking of coming into the world, Jiggaboo had her kittens today!  Finally!  She’s been getting bigger and bigger for weeks now, and after seeing her waddling around yesterday, I figured it couldn’t be much longer.  She had four kittens.  The first one came sometime this morning after Richard took us home.  It was breech, so Richard’s parents had to pull it out.  It’s a little grey one.  They were worried it would die, but Jiggaboo started cleaning it and it started breathing.  I’m not sure of the order the rest of them came in, but there is also a black one (who looks like it has some brown in it too), a white one like Jiggaboo, and an orange one.  I’m not sure of the gender of each of them.  Richard says I get to pick which one we want first (other than the white one, because it’s been claimed since Jiggers got knocked up).  I have no idea which one I want!

We still haven’t found a place.  I’m getting really sick of living separately.  The last three weeks we’ve been going back and forth: Richard picks us up after work, we stay over night and he takes us home in the morning.  It’s exhausting and lacks a routine.  Well, I guess it is sort of a routine, but a very stressful one.  Richard swears it will only be two more weeks, because then it’ll be payday and he’ll have some extra money from overtime.  I don’t know.  I’ll probably go insane if we have to live separately for much longer.  Both of our families are driving me up the wall.  I do have faith in him, though, even if nobody else does.  He thinks something will just fall into our hands, and I hope he’s right.

Things are going… alright.  I think that’s the best I can put it.  They’re not fantastic, but at the same time I guess it could really be worse… right?

 It’s August now, and we’re still living separately.  We needed another month.  Of course, at this point I’m hoping it really is just another month.  I know this is the best thing we could do right now, but it still sucks not living with Richard.  Not only that, but he’s been working as much overtime as he can, which doesn’t leave much time (even on weekends) for him to see us.  We try and make time to see each other as much as we can, but with all the work he’s doing and all the sleep I’m losing we’re both so tired all the time.

Last weekend was probably one of the best ones we’ve had since we moved.  It was a long weekend, and we spent the entire time with Richard.  We were planning on getting away for a night and staying in a hotel, but that plan fell through.  Even so, the weekend was awesome.  Aden was so happy most of the time–he usually is when he gets to spend time with his dad.

We went over there for a visit after work today, which Richard loved.  I figured a nice mid-week visit would be just perfect for the three of us, and I was right.  I think we’ll make it a weekly thing, weather permitting, of course, since we’ll usually walk.  It’ll really cheer Richard up and help him through the rest of the week, I think.

Aden’s getting so big now.  I can’t believe he’ll be five months old in three days.  He amazed me every day.  He’s learned how to get around on his own.  It’s not quite a crawl, but he can move pretty fast.  He looks more like he’s lost an arm and a leg in a war and he’s crawling to safety.  He started eating rice cereal a couple weeks ago, and last weekend we started him on beginner baby food.  The carrots were a big hit, but he wasn’t a fan of the waxed beans (which was okay with us, because we’re not fans either).  I can’t believe how grown up my little boy is getting to be!

What a month it’s been.  It’s the twenty fourth, which means it’s almost time for us to be out of the condo.  We’re planning on moving the boxes, and ourselves, to our parents’ houses on Friday, moving all the big things on Saturday, and cleaning the place on Sunday.  Not much is packed, other than Aden’s things, which means we have a lot to do this week.  I hate packing, but I’d much rather pack up me and Aden’s things than have Richard do it his way (his way being throwing things into a box or garbage bag).  I guess we’ll have it all done, little by little, before the weekend.  I really wish we didn’t have to go to separate houses, but it’s the only way things are going to work.  I’m still trying to be optimistic about it, but it’s only getting harder.  I keept telling myself and Richard that it’s only for a month, we can handle it… blah, blah, blah.

I’m excited for next Tuesday though.  It’s Canada Day!  One of my most favourite days!  I’m not super patriotic or anything… I’ve just been looking forward to dad’s BBQ since I missed it last year!  And obviously I’m excited because it’s Aden’s first one.  I don’t know who’s more excited about Aden’s first parade: me or Wendy.  It’s supposed to rain that day, which is pretty crappy, but we’ll live.  After all, it’s BBQ, rain or shine!

One more thing.  Blair’s dad died over the weekend.  It’s still hard to believe.  He had pretty bad cancer, and it took a major turn for the worst.  I didn’t know him very well, and he really seemed to resent me when I got pregnant, but he was still a great guy.  It’s just so sad that something so bad can just… happen to people.  I know, people die all the time, but it just sometimes feels like it shouldn’t happen to people around you, especially not when they’re still young.  I never know what to say in a situation like this.  I’m doing my best, but I feel like I’m going to mess up and say something I shouldn’t.  What a hard time Blair must be having… I can’t imagine.

We looked at the townhouse again yesterday, this time with Hannah and Russ.  They thought it was a pretty awesome place, and, obviously, so do I.  I hope we get it, but I’m really, really trying not to get my hopes up.  Sometimes I just can’t help it!

 I’m not looking forward to moving at all.  I want out of this place so bad, but moving is so hectic, and I really hate to make Richard do the whole thing, but I’m afraid I won’t be much help with Aden around.  It so crappy that we have to split up our little family for the time-being, but we really don’t have another choice.  Richard knows that I won’t go back to his parents’ house and it wouldn’t be fair making him go to mine.  We both get that.  I just hope my parents remember that they said Aden and I can go stay there.  They’re both pretty good at forgetting things.  And, if we get that place, it’ll only be until the beginning of August at the very latest, so by the time we get everything moved and stored away, it’ll only be a month we have to stay there.  Of course, even if we don’t get the townhouse we’ll still look for a place we can get into August first (but I am soooo hoping we get the townhouse).

It’s weird, actually.  I can’t really see myself living in the townhouse, as much as I love the place.  Actually, I couldn’t really see us living in this place either, when we first saw it.  But here we are.  I remember when I was younger, I could see myself doing something, and I could feel whether it was really going to happen or not.  But since my life has been turned completely upside-down, it’s not really like that anymore.  Every day is a surprise.  And, when it comes to the townhouse, I hope we get a really good surprise.  I hope we can find out sooner, rather than later, if we actually get the place.

Well, overall this May long was a pretty good one.  And for once, it didn’t rain!  In fact, it was smokin’ hot outside all weekend!

We went up to Vegreville to visit some of Richard’s family up there.  We stayed with his sister, her husband, and their six-year old daughter, Jade, as usual.  It was certainly a lot of excitement for Aden!

We got pretty lucky with Aden… he was amazing on the drive up there.  He slept pretty much the entire time, but we stopped at Edmonton to feed and change him.  He probably wouldn’t have gotten fussy at all if we hadn’t stop, but I figured we should probably stop anyway.  I think Saturday was probably the most exciting day for him.  He got to meet pretty much all his relatives up there.  He ate [i]a lot[/i] that day, probably because it was so hot outside.  It was about thirty one degrees out!  And, of course, he got passed around and around between relatives.  It was nice once they all left and it was just us, and Richard’s sister’s family.  Sunday was just sort of a quiet day, which was good because it was chillier and windy most of the day.

 On Monday we went to Sherwood Park to go swimming for the first time!  Aden seemed a little unsure at first, but he got used to it.  He doesn’t hate water, so that’s good.  We managed to stay in the pool for 45 minutes and it probably would have gone longer if Aden didn’t get hungry.  We’ll have to go swimming again soon, for sure!  The ride home was long… we just wanted to get home.  Luckily we didn’t have to stop at all, because I fed him right after swimming.  The roads were certainly crowded all the way home.  I’m just glad we weren’t going North!  There were two crashes about five minutes apart, going North!  Those people probably took about twice as long to get where they were going, thanks to those crashes!

We were definitely glad to get home, and I’m pretty sure Aden was too (even though I’m not enjoying our lack of air conditioning in this place).  Of course, now I’ve got to do all the unpacking today… but I’m just so tired!!!

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Well, yesterday was pretty exciting!  It was around three fifteen or so, and this loud beeping just starting happening.  I was in the middle of a Mario Kart Wii race, so at first I thought it was the game, but no… then I thought it was the washing machine, but no, not that either… then I realized it was the fire alarm!  I peeked in the bedroom where the alarms are, and sure enough, that’s what it was.  I started to panic a little.  I grabbed Aden and then I couldn’t think of what to do next.  So I grabbed my cell phone and a blanket my sister made for him, since it was probably the warmest one and I wasn’t sure how nice it was outside (and Aden had no pants on!).  I didn’t even think to grab the diaper bag, and I totally forgot that we had cats!  I’m pretty amazed at how quickly we made it downstairs, especially with my achy stomach muscles and carrying a twelve-pound baby.  When we got downstairs I saw all these people with their dogs and cats and that’s when I remembered that we have cats!  I felt kind of bad, but I realized that there’s no way I could have shoved both cats in the little cat carrier and carried twenty pounds of cat, plus twelve pounds of Aden, and a diaper bag!  A lady downstairs offered to hold Aden so I could go get his diaper bag.  So I ran upstairs and grabbed it, and a sweater.  It was a pretty nice day out, but cloudy, so it was a little chilly at times.  I’m just glad it wasn’t snowy!  There was no smoke or anything coming out of the building, so it didn’t look like anything was going on.

Richard came home then, and scooped Aden and I up from our little spot.  We couldn’t go anywhere, since the car seat was upstairs, so we just went to the end of the building to the visitor parking.  There were firefighters coming out of the underground parking, so I guess something must have happened there.  People started going back in the building, so we did too.  Sure enough, the sprinklers had gone off in the underground parking.  We wondered if they’d gone off upstairs as well… that would have been awful, with the Wii and the laptop around.  It didn’t look like anything had happened though, not anything big anyway.  Luckily they didn’t go off upstairs.

So I’m just a little freaked out now, about what I would do in the case of an actual fire.  I’d feel awful if I couldn’t take the cats, or if I forgot something important upstairs.  Richard has said that Aden is priority, so as long as he and I got out safely everything would be okay… but I still can’t imagine how awful that would be!  All I can do is just hope it doesn’t happen, or if it did, that Richard would be here and I wouldn’t be alone.