slivers of light

“The mind decides in one way or another, despite itself, and prefers being mistaken to believing in nothing.” Rousseau, The Profession of Faith of the Savoyard Vicar

***

right or wrong. . . who sets the rule?
who determines what is right and what is wrong? is the concept a mere personal opinion?

is this resolved by making a choice?this concept governs us everyday. the world defines a better or a nice person if one does the right deed, say the right word or choose or decide the right thing. everything should be right to make this world a great place to live in. life has to steer towards virtues, values and morality. so in order to gain acceptance in the society it’s a must to do everything right. yet still some prefer to stay in the other side of the road because for them, what they do conform to their beliefs and principles.

we exist in an immense moral structure that holds our perceptions. the concept may only have two options yet very extensive that we are often perplexed whether or not to find its sense within the values we set for themselves or from a set of conventional morality. we continue to grope for the truth and perhaps, often question ourselves. . . is there an authentic right and wrong? can we say that right and wrong are universal truths?

as for me, i continue to live my life on a ground created for me by my parents, by my faith and by the society where i belong and by the experiences i gained and people i met through the years. i take and digest matters that only conforms to my systems and values. and, whatever conforms, i remain to filter what i can do and what i cannot do and what can make me happy and comfortable. i live my life depending on what matters to me at a certain moment or what i consider is essential to get through the day, months or years. what are right to me are things that i fully understand. wrong if i find it confusing. right is what i hold as absolute ideals, wrong if it is otherwise.

this is the simplest explanation i could think of. i could expound more tho on the concept but i’d rather leave some for you to mull over.

for many occasions, me and my munchkins have experienced brush with kindness from strangers. most of the incidents happened inside a public transport. what made these people show us some graciousness led me to a premise that they might have seen me as a committed and happy mom and as well, they might have seen my little girls as cheerful and adorable. most of the times during our bus ride, munchkins would sport a smile as they say the greeting for the day. some operators reply back and passengers were just as glad to hear their politeness. that habit didn’t just grow in them though. it took me a lot of explaining on why they have to do the deed. i told them that if done right, cheerfulness makes other people happy too.

i believe it was two summers ago when munchkins and i were on our way for a swim at a nearby community centre. we decided to take a subway train that will take us to a station where there were street cars en route to the riverdale community centre. we got on a slightly packed train; didn’t get a seat so we stood and braced ourselves as the train rolled away to the next station. then i felt a hand on my back and a voice saying excuse me. i turned my head to where the voice came from. it was a lady and she asked me if i like to watch baseball. turned out that she got three game tickets and she and her family won’t be able to watch the game and she’s giving them away. we’re not a big fan of baseball though so i suggested to give them away to someone else. i thanked her though for the offer and i thought it was so nice of her to offer that to me. we got off to the next station.

the street car was already on the track and we stood on the platform to wait for the driver. a tall man in uniform appeared and headed towards the street car. he walked past me and i sort of smiled and acknowledged him. we got on the street car and took what we always consider as the best seat which is three rows from the front. the seats were only few steps away from the front exit and the driver could see me well from the rear view mirror. it was a short travel to the centre. the street car just moved when i noticed the driver turned his head and his right hand motioned instructing me to come to him. i obliged. he asked where else were going that day. i believe i was amid forming a sentence when he said he’s giving me a day pass which we can use just in case we thought of going somewhere else. i had a big smile on my face. i wanted to ask why but instead thanked him for choosing me as the recipient of the pass. i found it very surprising to encounter two acts of kindness twice in half a day. must be really our day!

i walk my munchkins to school every morning and we use the bus to get to street which were only a block away to the school. we get on the bus but i didn’t have a chance to pull out our fare from my purse. i seated the girls first and came back in front of the bus to flash my pass and to drop the two tickets into the ticket box. but as i was about to drop the tickets, the driver said “it’s okey, fare is on me.” how else should i react. i smiled and sincerely thanked the driver.

one cold january winter evening, munchkins and i had a craving for kentucky fried chicken. girls wanted to eat popcorn chicken for dinner. the fastfood was about 5 blocks from where we live. not really far but it was sort of far that night because of the harsh cold weather. walking 5 blocks with a dolly in tow filled with grocery items wasn’t a good idea so we hopped onto a bus. the weather was much colder when we got out of kfc. we missed one bus and waited for 15 minutes for the next one to come. it was a female driver this time. munchkins and i said our usual greetings. girls searched for their seats and i remained standing behind the white line. in a few moments i pulled the string to request for a stop. the driver noticed that it was a short ride. i said thank you as we got off. but as i was getting off, the driver said “oh i’m sorry, i didn’t know that you were only few stops. i shouldn’t have let you pay the ride. i owe you one.” i said “well, you wouldn’t have known anyway.” i smiled and acknowledged the kindness. . . sincerely.

there were more brush with kindness but i just couldn’t write them all down here. giving is an act that gives me pleasure. i know in my heart that I am a giver and i give without thinking of having any reward. that’s how i feel good about it. how the receiver should act from such kindness is yet another topic. as for me i know that i am getting the rewards of my own good deeds. may not receive the same thing or may not come from the same person but as i always say… one good thing leads to another.

i am a blogger for nearly two years and i blog for a reason (or reasons). the first blog i created on july 2006 was privy to an exclusive reader because it was filled with specific sentiments. i own a diary back in high school; a flowery book which i tuck every night under my pillow. it was penned with whims and dreams and crushes and gossips and sighs and what-not in either pink, purple or red perfumed ink. i remember, i had quite a collection and i wished i kept them as keepsakes of my younger writing years and thoughts of my carefree and shallow perspectives. although they were gone now, my mind still lives and still capable of re-living the feelings that had gone by, although this time, in a different context. now that i got the free space from canadian parent, free url and my heart and mind gelled together, the words and the many items and issues and opinions and outlook are awaiting to be fiddled on the keyboard and read from the computer monitor. i guess i just have some question about time since i’ve to toggle my 24 hours to the many responsibilities with my munchkins (i call my daughters munchkins!), household, work, volunteer tasks) i am taking this though as a commitment; to blog as regularly as i could.why do i bother blogging ? why do i think that people will read my blog or my thoughts will significantly mean to the readers? do i blog because i want others to read my entries or is it for personal satisfaction? i had been aware of blogs for sometime and neither i read nor blog. but after that blog bug bit me in 2006, blogging became an everyday fare. i take it as my voice and with use through blogging, i can make my voice stronger. it is an artistic outlet. i share ideas and at the same time i learn. words are powerful and therapeutic. must say that blogging is one of the activities which keeps my sanity intact. the scope of blogging is wide and varied. blogging then is freedom in many ways. freedom from letting my thoughts and feelings out of my heart and mind until those feelings were transformed into a readable form. blogging for me is also a journey of my mind. slivers of light will house a lot of this and that about me, as a single mom, dealing with two wonderful girls. you are going to meet them here shortly.  it will also house my current and past literary creations (published and unpublished) as well as opinions on issues of my interest. be with me in this journey.