The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
– Mahatma Gandhi

I like that quote. And I like it even more because just yesterday I chose to forgive someone rather than make a big deal out of the situation. It was a minor offence.

Do you ever feel like you know you could forgive something bigger, but you don’t want to “waste” your forgiveness on something small like an off-hand comment. I mean those you can bring up, because they are small, right?

Except everytime you bring up something small, it becomes bigger. And then there’s this big thing that you haven’t (or won’t) forgive someone for. An off-hand comment, a small selfish act, a angry word.

I’ve forgiven some pretty big things in my life and I feel very good about doing it. I realized this morning when I read that quote that I could find that sense of peace by forgiving the small things too. Try it. It’s hard as heck when you want to say “look, dude, you really made me mad when you…” to instead choose forgiveness and walk away. Because in the end, the forgiveness is about you, not about them. Carrying anger around inside of yourself is like holding a hot stone with the intent of throwing it at someone. You are the one who is burned. I don’t know who said that, but I’ve seen it repeated many times and I like it.

As a side note, I’m always known as a hot-tempered gal. I’m a red head. (We’re going to be extinct by 2100, did you know??) But lately it’s really been bothering me that I’m “known” for my temper. Sometimes it works for people, they know I’ll fight a battle for them. But I need to ensure that if and when I need to fight a battle, it’s for a good reason. Sometimes they need to fight that battle, sometimes I need to be the peaceful one. I need to learn to do “peace” as well as I do “war”. That’s the trick.

At work they have a nickname for me, “The General”. There was some company event and we had to come up with nicknames and I was stumped … until a brave team member suggested that one. I was amused. And I suppose it’s true, I do have high expectations for my team and I do expect compliance. But I need to balance that out with equal portions of compassion, and somedays I’m running low on supplies.

Why oh why did I choose child care at *anonymous leisure centre in Calgary*? This was the me centre that I had problems with earlier this year. But they were offering drop-in camp in the summer and it was close by. And I was in need of child care because I’m an overworked working mom, well, just because. 

So I go to pick up Army Boy at the camp and they are just coming out of the pool. Or, rather, most of them are already out and waiting for the stragglers to get changed. Army Boy is always a straggler marches to his own drum and is on his own schedule, don’tchyaknow. I wait five … ten minutes. When I can’t wait any longer I hope the “Exit Only” turnstile and stand outside the boy’s room and yell “get out here this minute or you are going to lose some serious privileges!” He pops right around the corner, fully dressed. What the heck?

I’m about to read him the Dawdler’s Bill of Rights when something makes me stop. I ask him why he was in there so long.

Oh, no reason…other than helping one of his classmates get out of a locker he was locked in.

What?

I asked the camp leader if she was aware of this. “Yeah.” She seems to be sympathetic. So, someone is in there helping him? “Yeah.” Does this not seem wrong to you? I am paying to have my kid at Lord of the Flies camp or what? “Yeah.”

I headed over to Guest Services and let them know that I was not pleased. Army Boy is not big, he’s practically hand-in-glove for a locker. In fact, the one locked in is actually older and bigger.

Hand to God if I find out my kid gets locked in there they’ll have hellfire and damnation coming down their road. Guess what it’s called when you lock someone in a locker: assault. If I were to grab another adult and stick him/her in a locker I could face charges. So what’s the deal with some grade three kid getting locked in there and it’s no big deal?

What would you do?

My mother emailed me yesterday to say that she’d bought a trampoline for the kids (and for her to exercise on) and asked if I’d have a talk with Army Boy about trampoline safety before they visited (which is today).

I had a minor freak out.

Now some might suggest that you can’t bubblewrap your kids. To you I say: yeah, you’re right. It’s totally too hot and they complain. A lot.

But trampoline injuries can be serious. More serious than regular sports. Mom’s backyard is all cement. The trampoline is apparently full-sized and comes with a net, so hopefully no one will crack their noggin. But it’s not so much my son I’m worried about. It’s the baby. She’s 23 months and doesn’t have that fear gene.

(Nevermind that children under six are not even supposed to be on trampolines. Not “with supervision”, just “not on” them. http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2006/05/trampoline.html, http://www.tortslaw.com/html/trampoline.html)

So is life just supposed to suck now when she goes to Grandma’s? Is she just not allowed on that big toy out in the backyard? It’s stupid, stupid, stupid to tease a kid with a big toy. They go to Grandma’s quite regularly and I can guarantee you that she will want on it every day. Army boy is almost seven, he can understand basic safety instructions. The toddler … not so much. And not for a few years either.

What bothered me most was that no one thought to mention this to me before it was all purchased and was being set up. Yes, I know it’s not at my house so I have no say over its purchase. But if you’ve bought something that is for my kids that is potentially dangerous I want to know first. By not doing so, they undermine my authority by making a large purchase for my kids without any consultation at all. It sends completely mixed messages to the kids. Kind of like the time I didn’t want video games introduced to my son at all since I knew he’d LOVE them and want to play them all the time. He was three. Grandma introduced them. What part of “I don’t want him to play video games” was unclear. Or when they bought the loft bed that was six feet off the hardwood floor for a kid that wasn’t yet five. Then there are unknowns at work, family members I don’t trust who may be asked to watch the kids “for just a minute” while they are on the trampoline.

I don’t know if I’m coming or going right now, I have a large deadline looming and some work to do. One child has slept in and one doesn’t want to go to soccer camp because “it’s booooring”. (I’ll tell you what boring is… spending the day in your room while mommy works.)

But seriously, what would you do?

We live in a townhouse complex that nestled in a quiet community. (See, nestled, that’s a nice word, it means we’re safe, right?) My son, who is almost seven, has many friends. We pay more rent than I think we should simply because I like the area, friends are always around and I feel safe here.

A few weeks ago Army Boy (my son) asked to walk to the store with friends. It’s about two blocks away, but they have to cross a fairly busy street (with lights and a crosswalk). He was going with another boy about his age and two older kids. I knew the younger and older boy, but was unfamiliar with the older girl’s name he mentioned. Still, I said ok. I waver between encouraging these independent moments (because he’s not a risk taker) and being thankful that he never wants to wander too far from home. He’d never asked to go this far before. Do I tell him he’s too young? Do I praise him for asking and show him a little bit of trust? I went with the latter.

But the moment he walked out the door I looked at Major Man (my husband) and said “should I have done that?” Major Man shrugged but then mentioned that he DID have his Nintendo DS strapped over his shoulder and there COULD be teenagers around there and just because I was a saint of a teen doesn’t mean that every teenager is. One could easily thump him on the head and take that DS. What would stop them?

OK fine then. So I followed a ways behind them, so Army Boy couldn’t see me. I managed to get into the store without them spotting me spying, though I did have to explain myself to a few customers who observed me stalking four kids.

Army Boy had taken his wallet, brimming with quarters and one five dollar bill. He’d chosen some M&Ms and the cashier asked for $1.37. He looked in his wallet and then handed it over to the older girl he was with. “Do I have enough?” he asked. She pulled out two dollars and handed it over. When the change was handed back she made motions to put it back and then pulled a few coins out for herself.

She put them in her pocket and handed the wallet back to Army Boy, who hadn’t been looking at all, so enamoured was he of the M&Ms.

Well my cover was blown. I walked over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. “Did you just take money out of his wallet?” She denied it, not knowing who I was. I told her’d what I had witnessed and she just said “I’ll give it back to him.”

“No, I said, you’ll give it back to me, I’m his mother.” She blanched a little but handed the money over. I had no idea how much she’d taken but she said that was all. Then she apologized. I made some comment about how little kids trust bigger kids and maybe she should think about that and choose better next time.

Army Boy saw me and I made some story up about needing some iced tea.

I hung around and quietly followed them back. The girl disappeared very quickly and I haven’t seen her since. The boys couldn’t even tell me which townhouse she lives in, but I could find it.

I didn’t go and tell her parents - would you? I mentioned it to another mom and she said I should. It’s a little late now, but I did have a talk with Army Boy. I told him exactly what had happened. What I’d seen… how if he’s going to hand his wallet over, it should be to the person behind the counter. And next time he’s not taking his wallet, he’s going to take $2 and budget accordingly.

My son goes to before and after school care at the local rec centre. It has a pool, gym, play areas. He likes it. Twenty minutes before school starts, they load him and his classmates up on the bus and send him to school. He particularly likes it because he likes to ride the bus.

I guess a few weeks ago, he missed the bus. I don’t know how this happens because he’s there, they get the kids on the bus. Either they forgot about him, he was in the bathroom or the missed him - and he missed the bus. He’s on the last bus, so when it comes, all the kids left need to get on the bus.

He says to me today, “The other day I missed the bus and I went to school in Sandi’s red car.”

I guess the lady in charge of B&A care drove him to school.

“Did you have a booster seat?” I asked. And I ask this because he’s not the biggest kid. In fact, he’s small. Wee even. Short, not yet 40 lbs and he still rides in a five-point harness in my truck.

“No.”

I’ll admit. I saw red. How dare she take my child in a vehicle when he’s not properly buckled in!? He said it was a shoulder belt and I immediately had visions of him in a front seat with an airbag poised to take his head off when it deploys.

I’m mad. I’m mad because she should have just called, or had the bus take him later.

I know the bus has no seatbelts… but I was a bus driver for two years and kids are safer in a bus with no seatbelts than they are unproperly restrained in a car.

My immediate reaction is to call her and yell. Ok, that’s not a great idea.

Other reactions are to pull him out of B&A care next year and go with the set-up they have at school because it’s easier and there are no buses. Or to call her boss and explain my concern and explain why what she did was dangerous. Can you imagine the lawsuit if a child was injured or killed while being driven to school improperly restrained by someone who wasn’t supposed to be driving him in the first place?

What would you do?