The Cat Made Me Do It

Before I had kids there were lots of things I never even thought I would accomplish. As the years have gone by there are so many things that I have done that some never get the chance to do. As I was sitting here helping my 5 y/o with her school work I discovered:

• I’ve taught 4 kids to read thus far
• can perform a science experiment AND write the report on it in an hour
• I make 25 school lunches a week
• survived 19 ear infections
• can tell the difference between sick and I just don’t wanna
• know the many uses of purple glue over stitches
• found the strength to carry my 50 lb child when they were injured
• can use either hand to eat, write, catch
• found that lost mitten
• discovered all the child resources in a new town in under 3 months
• secretly become a Dr., Child Psychologist, dentist,  teacher, short-order cook,  plumber, and Handyman
• wiped tears away and helped my child feel better even though I had no idea how to solve the problem
• learned how to make one meal and dish it out so that only the ‘wanted’ foods end up on the correct plates (one wants no tomatoes, one wants no onion,…)
• know the difference between Max and Ruby
• sung ALL of the words to a Wiggles concert
• learned that there is more to me then I ever would have imagine.

In a million years I never thought I would ever achieve so many things.  Some may be small at first thought, but when I look at the bigger picture that small thing is enormous.

I know, I know, I’m not the most constant blogger. I’m not sure if you read my title, but I’m a SINGLE mom to 5!!! …lol

I can’t believe it’s already the middle of November. How am I ever going to get done all of the things that I need to before Christmas is here???

The kids were actually a BIG help with their four day weekend from school. I now have a fairly clean basement, bedrooms that pass the smell and clutter test (they aren’t all ‘clean’ but at least they’re not scary!!!), and my son did most of the laundry. We re-organized the chore chart. I wrote down the chores and let each one pick a job/day until all the chores were gone. I think we’ll try doing that every month so they don’t get bored doing the same things every week.

I’ve had all my Christmas presents bought since August (hey, I live half way to nowhere and with 5 it gets pricey if I don’t shop sales and spread the spending out through the year!). That reminds me that I need to dig out the sewing machine and put some of my gifts together. I still need to buy birthday presents for 4 family members and some stocking stuffers. I think I have everything picked out and added to my list for my trip to the city in a few weeks. Next I’ll have to get around to wrapping everything!!!

I’d love to get a bit of baking done. I may promote my oldest to that. She LOVES to be in the kitchen and does most of the cooking around here anyway. Maybe if I smell it I’ll get more energy to help her….

I’ve been trying for weeks to get a family picture. Hopefully soon. Now that we have a bit of snow I think I can get a few nice shots outside. I’m hoping to get a group shot to stick in stick inside my Christmas cards and call that a gift for all of the ex’s family! No way was I spending any money on gifts for them.

It never ends. Then again if it did, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with myself!!!

Is it possible??? Could my hate for my ex truly be over.

Sure I am still mad that he is taking no responsibility for the children. He hasn’t provided anything for them in over a year. He hasn’t contacted them in 10 months.

BUT… I can carry on a conversation with him and not lose my cool and not tell him what I really think of him. Have I reached a level of maturity that allows me to accept humans for their faults?

Or perhaps it is because I am at a good point in life right now. The kids are no longer driving me completely crazy. Sure they have their moments, but now I feel like they are just kids and not ‘trying’ to have me committed to the looney bin. THANK GOODNESS!!!

I have been in a new relationship for several months now. We started out taking things VERY slowly. I wasn’t really sure what I was looking for or needed at the time. Over time things are progressing well and it just feels right. So maybe I just needed to move on and see that not everyone will treat me the way that he did.

I’m not sure there will ever come a time when I can forgive and forget everything that my ex has ever done. It’s taken a long time for me to repair the damage that he caused. I still don’t like the way things went down. I’ve just had to accept that he will always be the way that he is, just like I’m sure that I will always been stubborn as a mule as well.

So cheers to growing older and wiser. It feels good to be here.

For the last few years my 2nd dd has been struggling in school. In her short 3 years of schooling she’s been to 3 different schools. Each one had much different routines and she has had to start from scratch at each one. It’s not that she’s not smart, it’s just that she lacks the confidence to move up to the next level in her work without LOTS of help.

At the end of September, I met with her teacher, an aide, and the special needs supervisor. We worked out an Individual Plan (IPP) for her to follow for this school year (mostly we went through last years and made sure everything was up-to-date and added what needed to be). At the end of the meeting I felt pretty good about what we had discussed.

Two weeks in a row now, there has been incidence with her behavior. When she decides that her work is too hard for her she flat out refuses to do it and can become quite disruptive in class. I made it VERY clear at our meeting that taking her to sit in the office does NOT work and we needed to find a better way to deal with things. However, twice now, she has been taken to the office to sit. To make matters worse, she becomes disruptive in the office (won’t sit, slams the door, …) and they then call me to come and get her. Each time I hear, that they don’t normally do this but it’s really become a typical event in my life… While I agree that her behavior is inappropriate, the way they are dealing with it is NOT working and something needs to change. ‘I’ have been asked to come up with alternative solutions for consequences when she acts out.

Opps, let me back up a bit…

Over the summer she was working with a Psychologist and I was given several recommendations.

1. She needs help working on building up her confidence.

2. Right now she needs as much one on one time as possible (aide time).

3. She should be tested for ADHD as well as Dyslexia.

4. She does not deal well with change so must be given as much notice before hand as possible (if there will be a sub, change in schedule,…)

5. Punishing today and taking something away for tomorrow DOES NOT WORK. Her memory only works in the here and now state.

The only problem is, the Psychologist has left and her file was transfered to a ’storage’ unit, where it can be reviewed if there is an issue, but anything that was noted will sit untouched until a new Psychologist is found for our area. The school has been unsuccessful at getting the noted recommendations and without it refuse to follow through with it any further. I have tried to get the testing done and have been told I need the schools authorization for it (since I can’t get the Psych forms)…. Grrr!!!!

So now I sit. I have no child behavior training. I don’t know what types of consequence options are available to me at the school. I’m left feeling like the school has decided they are done trying and it’ll be me that is left dealing with any behavior issues that arise. I can’t be going to the school every day simple because they take her down the office everyday!

At home, we have discovered that if she finds things too hard we need to take a step back so that she discovers for herself that she CAN do the work asked of her. Her meltdowns have become few and far between. Her refusals have become shorter lived.

I don’t mind being part of the solution at school but it’s beginning to feel like they aren’t even listening to what I have been saying and continue to follow the same pattern time and time again.

For the last 6 months, time seems to be drifting by…

There have been the legal battles to get my divorce finalized and to find my ex and have him start paying his share of the child support.   I find it interesting that the government has no problem coming after me when I owe THEM money but because my ex owes ME money they can’t seem to keep track of him.  A simple stop on Facebook and I was able to find him, I wonder why it’s been so hard for them?

The beginning of the school year had my Smart phone plum full of appointments.  One child needed to be assessed for speech.  Another had faced challenges last year, so this year all of her educators (teacher, aide,…) and I met to work on her IPP for this year.   Let’s not forget that they are all in counseling to help them work through all of the emotions from having their father walk out on them, leading me to another appointment to discuss what has(n’t) happened over the summer in regards to that.

My daughter’s allergies are more controlled now then they were in the Spring.  We still have bad days, but they are becoming fewer.  Her asthma is well under control and we’re at the point where her inhaler isn’t needed.

I’m feeling a lot better and my stress level has gone way down.  I think I have let go of a lot of anger for my ex.  I’ve come to the realization that I WILL be raising the kids on my own with no support from him (be it financially or custody wise).  He’s made no attempt to contact the kids and that’s finally OK with me.  It took me a long time but I think the kids and I have made huge strides without him.  Everyone around us has commented on how much better the kids are doing and that was my main goal.  I wanted them to move on and be happy.

So perhaps time does heal all.  It’s been a long journey, with many obstacles along the way.  There have been times when it seemed like nobody could help me find the answers that I needed, but by staying strong and never giving up, taking it one day at a time, things have gotten better.  I’ve learned that if I set my mind to it I can accomplish anything.

As for how well I am really doing, well you’ll just have to stay tuned…. 

For over a year now, my baby has been fighting with allergies. It started out just as a little rash on her ankles, but over time has gotten worse. Other then being really itchy she never seemed to be bothered. She continued to be smiley and cheerful.

We have spent a lot of time seeing Dr.’s. When we were moving she made 3 trips to the ER after long nights of tears and scratching. She would scratch her legs and arms until they bled. Finally they agreed she SHOULD see an allergist BUT that I needed a family Dr. to recommend it and make the arrangements. Great!!! Middle of moving here….

I managed to get my new province health cards a few months early (3 month waiting period, but ex had been in province long enough to void that). I made an appointment with a Dr. that was in what would be our new town. He looked at the skin and decided maybe we should see a Dermatologist first. So 6 weeks later, off we were to the Specialist. His verdict was skin creams, round of antibiotics, and we should be good to go. We were NOT good to go. 2 weeks later no change, so back to our family Dr. I went. This time he decided to send us in for blood work. They’d test her blood and see what it reacted to. I did not like the results. Her big triggers were : mold, grass, eggs, milk, and CAT dander Not my kitten. It couldn’t be. After that it was decided to put her on a wait list to see the allergist. And we waited, and waited, and waited…

We started working on an allergen free diet. Let me tell ya, egg and milk is in EVERYTHING!!! Turns out for a small town we have an amazing health food store though. I found all sorts of things that would fit into our new diet plan. On top of that, it was probably a little healthier so good for ALL of us

A month into her new diet and the allergies were getting better. Every so often she’d have a bad spell. Her eczema would flare up. We had gotten pretty used to it by now. When it was bad, we’d wrap her legs in a tensor bandage so she couldn’t scratch, give her the Reactine dose. I was scared this was just how life was going to be for us for now…

This spring she had another bad spell. I had run out of her prescription cream so took her in for more. Our ‘regular’ Dr. was away so we saw a different one. Immediately he said we needed to see an allergist. HELLO, been saying that for almost a year now!!! A quick phone call and we had an appointment for 2 weeks later! 2 WEEKS!!!!

I wasn’t really sure what to expect at the allergist office. I had done a little reading and I had a sheet of of info that I received from the clinic (no meds prior to the visit, testing is NOT covered by medical…). The office we went to was a Pediatric one. PERFECT. SO kids friendly. The waiting room had plenty of toys and Treehouse TV!!! We were the first appointment of the day so got seen right away. She was weighed and measured. We were led to an office to wait. The Dr. came in and immediately started to talk to my daughter. He greeted her, asked how she was feeling. Took a visual of the rash. Told her that his job was to make her feel better! He then proceeded to give me about 12 pages worth of information to try. Come back in 2 months.

With my new knowledge I went home to start a new life for her (and evidently me) . Lots of tears were shed, but my cat of 10 years was moved outside to the garage and barn instead of my pillow that he loves so much. He’d been an indoor/outdoor cat his whole life. His summers were generally spent outside anyway. We also started a new diet free of eggs, dairy, and chicken. Within a week things were improving so much.

A while after returning home and things were going so well. One afternoon we happened to spend a bit of time playing with a cat. It wasn’t very long before the itching and puffy eyes appeared. The poor thing. This whole time it was MY cat that was making her SO sick. I feel terrible. The cats have been permanently band from the house and we are continuing on the diet (not as faithfully as we should, but it seems to be working).

We went for her latest allergist appointment last week. Everything is looking better. We’ve been able to cut back on her meds and she’s a happier kid. The rash is almost non-existent. In the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder though, how could MY child be allergic to one of my favorite things!!! No question of course I will always pick my child over a pet but STILL

It seems like my computer time is getting less and less. One thing about living up north is the that we go from long, cold nights, to hot summer days in the blink of an eye.

I think getting out and enjoying the yard has been a huge step on the ‘getting on with life’ boat. We’ve been spending a lot of time playing T-ball and horseshoes. The kids have put so many miles on their bikes this spring. I LOVE that we bought an acreage. The kids have so many places to roam.

It finally got dry enough for our bonfire season to start. We had several friends come over this past weekend for our first one. I learned that if you take friends out of the city it’s bound to be a good time. We had fireworks, fire walking, and good eats. My sides are still hurting from laughing so hard.

I’m happy to report that single life has become wonderful. The life that the kids and I are creating for ourselves is a happy one. We’ve really become the family that I wanted. We are surrounded by great friends and enjoying our times together. I don’t regret my decision at all anymore. In fact I sometimes wonder why I didn’t do it sooner…

We have a lot of big events coming up in the next few weeks. For the first time in a long time I am looking forward to Mother’s Day. My birthday is shaping up to be a great weekend. Kindergarten Orientation is this week. I have another trip in the works. Busy, busy, busy.

Maybe it’s a good thing that the days are so long in the North. I need all the time I can get to fit in everything that I want to do. We’ll take our time and get everything we want done eventually.

What a crazy week it has been around here.

I had a kid-free weekend.  It wasn’t as great as it sounds.  I went to a court ordered seminar on Parenting after Separation.  It provided a lot of information, but unless my ex takes it and tries to put a few of the ideas to work, I’m going to be sitting in the same place I am now.   There wasn’t a whole lot of new information for me, but more of a different way to look and approach things.

The kids spent a great weekend with their Grandparents.  It’s kind of become their second home.  We try to get over at least once a month.  They really enjoy the time away from me plus they’re really getting to know their Grandparents.

It’s taken us a bit to get back to routine this week.  I’ve got a billion things to do.  We got the yard cleaned up on Monday. The dog and I are going to have a serious talk about not digging in the garbage!

I thought I was nice giving the kids a room downstairs for a playroom.  I was wrong :(  They had such a mess and haven’t been taking care of anything.  I spent a few hours cleaning it all up and tossing out the broken toys.  This is their last chance.  If I see it in that shape again their ‘playroom’ is gonna turn into my office!!!

I’m new to this area so I wasn’t sure what to expect for ‘Spring’.  I lived further north for 7 years and thought being south a bit the weather would be better. I was wrong.  It WAS beautiful for the last week.  We were walking outside with shorts on, got a little sun the one day, and the birds were singing.  This morning I woke up to a lot of wind (80mph wind warnings).  The wind soon brought the snow and it looked like a blizzard out my wind most of the day.  It’s gotten nicer again now but I wanted to cry seeing all that snow returning. They’re calling for more tomorrow. I guess winter isn’t quite done with us yet.

Each day I seem to learn something new.  I’ve learned that a tooth will get loose and fall out if you wiggle it for long enough.  Just because you weren’t allergic to something yesterday doesn’t mean you won’t be today.  And when living in the north, NEVER put away your winter jacket!!!

My nose is not red. My throat isn’t scratchy. It doesn’t feel like I’m inside an oven… YEAH RIGHT!

I’ve been fighting with a runny nose for a few days. I nearly had myself convinced it was seasonal allergies. Hey, my youngest has them, why can’t I? But my runny nose soon turned into a full blown cold!

Before kids I NEVER got sick. I was one of the healthiest people anybody had ever seen. That all changed when my oldest one started school. Schools are a breeding ground for germs. We get every bug out there! Why didn’t they put a warning sign on the application form?

It sucks being sick and being the sole caregiver to the kids. I don’t get to lie in bed all day (not that I don’t try). Nobody brings me Kleenex and soup. I can’t stop everything for the day and try to get better. This morning I was up at 6:45. By 8 I had done 2 loads of laundry, washed dishes, and tried to figure out what that was the kids stuck in the honey that had dripped onto the floor. Thanks to my newly discovered Retro Cartoon channel I was able to sneak off and have a short rest but I still had to remain somewhat coherent just in case the girls needed something.

I moved out to the couch for the afternoon. There was plenty of things I could be doing, but mommy feeling better was WAY more important. I wasn’t feeling THAT sick but better to get better now then before it got too bad.

My oldest has learned how to make a great cup of chicken noodle soup. She makes my tea to perfection. She’s gonna be a great mom some day.

I’m glad it’s almost bedtime. It’s been a long day. Hopefully after a good nights sleep I’ll feel better tomorrow.

I didn’t sleep much last night. Little one was up with allergy troubles. I’ve got a stuffy nose and it’s hard to breathe. I remember seeing the clock turn 2, 3, 5.

When my alarm went off this morning I looked out the window and the sun was shining. No way was I going to let my lack of sleep prevent me from enjoying it. This was the nicest morning so far this year.

I made a call and arranged plans to go on our towns walking trails. I’d been wanting to go on them for a while, but this was the first chance I’d had. They’re all paved and used quite a bit. We drive by them every day on our way to town.

We chose to take the one that goes around the golf course. I’d seen the beginnings and end of the trail, but had no idea what was along it. A short distance in we came to a pond. It was still frozen over, but there was signs that the ice was getting thinner and water would be appearing soon. There was a cub camp. I had heard about it, but never seen it. They had a few buildings there that they used for their overnights and training. We saw plenty of birdhouse. There were a few birds over head, but it’s still a bit cold for them to be staying.

We had fun watching what was going on around the golf course. They were using a machine to blow the snow off the greens (yes there’s still a few FEET of snow on them!). They had built a new clubhouse (we’d seen a bit of this from the road). I’d never around the greens and can’t wait to try it out this year.

I look forward to many more trips on this path. It’ll be nice to see how things change with the seasons. We’re going to try and walk it at least once a week. On Friday if we’re able, I think I will take the dog around it before we go away for the weekend.