Oh, here we go into a classic. Driving. I am not saying that I am the world’s best driver but honestly people, there is a manual and there are rules for a reason. The first thing I want to know is how do so many people got their license? We have the Cruising Through a Stop Sign, which if you live in Quebec is known as the “taxi-stop” and is actually borderline acceptable – providing there is no on coming traffic. But what about this signaling (if you’re lucky) to the right but turning to the left move? Of the wide left turn to turn into the right hand-side driveway…whoa – didn’t think you were gonna make it, did you? There’s the No-Signaler (Guess what I’m going do? Guess what I’m going to do?) or the I am Immortal which is a variation on the Cruising through the Stop Sign This is when I am Immortal keeps right on driving through the stop even though you are on-coming and have the right of way. His signature – the ever-popular “finger” that he usually flashes at you as he cruises on by. Was there supposed to some kind of laser flying off that finger? Batteries low? I’m not sure how this is supposed to affect to me but I generally don’t lose sleep over this one – sorry to disappoint you, fella. Then there’s the Riding on my Tail driver. This is when I can see the color the driver’s eyes from my rear-view mirror. Don’t you think you’re tad too close to my bumper, considering that we’re not even dating? Thing is, this type of driver is generally not going anywhere in a hurry for real – just around me and onto the next guy’s bumper. My pet peeve (yes – I have another pet peeve) is the Braker at all Corners driver…. often this driver then sails on through the actual Stop Signs when they occur and no – not a taxi-stop either – just a breeze through, as if there was no sign there. Maybe it was all the full-stop with a pause to look in every direction twice on every other block that tired him out.
I have a friend who enjoys The Parking Show with me. This is where we sit together on a bench and watch people as they attempt to park. I think they’re in the Bumper to Bumper Club. Their judgment so skewed that they feel the need to bump both the bumper in front and the bumper behind – usually several times. With all that bumper touching maybe they feel that they are blessing their parking space.
My friend and I sometimes keep a tally as to how many nudges these drivers will bestow on their unknowing recipients. Then there’s the “I think I’ll take two whole spaces” driver, and I always wonder – is that because they lack skill or are they just being jerks? We’ve all been the “Call me a cab to get to the curb” driver; come on now – just admit it. At least we’re not being inconsiderate when we do that, just kind of silly. Oh – how about the boorish Illegal Parker? You know – parks in the Handicap Zone with no sticker – or in the Pregnant/Families with Small Children Zone…Hellloooo, where is your car seat? Now, I do have a car seat…but I also need my exercise - so I never park in that space.
People… take a good look around you (or in your mirror, as the case may be).
And finally why, oh why do you pedestrians feel the overwhelming urge to step off the curb and stand behind my car to try and cross the street, while I am parking? Do you not see those bright white back-up lights on? Do you think I’m not going to hit you (even though I secretly want to)
Ah, and to think, this chapter started out to be about all about driving and then suddenly I got into parking… and we all know where “parking” can lead us.
