Malachi’s Mommy Blog Spot

I’ve always been the type that finds it hard to form new habits…especially good ones. I started this blog 3 weeks ago as I felt I needed a creative outlet to express my feelings, both good and bad, about our fertility journey. But sometimes life gets in the way. I digress…

We had a great week with my sister and her baby girl visiting. Malachi was on his best behaviour, for the most part, and didn’t take too many toys from Madison. He was really good at claiming his sippy cup, filled with real milk, and replacing it with Madison’s cup of formula. He was quick to catch on that most pink things were not his and fair game for her to play with…and chew.

One of my best girlfriends is currently pregnant and severely diabetic. She’s admitted to the hospital now for the 3rd time for monitoring and such. I tried cheering her up with movies and snacks tonight. We rented 4 movies but watched only 1, “Juno”…fitting I thought for a preggo and wannabepreggo. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be to give away a baby that you carried, nourished and was a part of you, literally, for 9 months. Even when, as in Juno’s case, it’s for the best. I shared her tears in the end, but also felt elated for Vanessa who got the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world in the end…to be a mom!

I feel a lot like Vanessa some days…when I see women who are bursting at the seams of their maternity jeans, I feel a tug at my heart strings…and a pang of jealousy. I’ve been thinking a lot this month about the baby who was never meant to be, except for in my heart forever, as he would be due right about now. I tell myself it’ll happen again and try to believe it. I never thought I’d be part of that scary statistic. I was always in the “it can’t happen to me” camp. Well it happened to me and the more people I talk to, the less lonely I feel in the “statistic” camp…but not as comfortable as I was in the other one. But you can never go back…

On a much lighter note, I’m bracing myself for the inevitable…Malachi’s 2nd birthday! Four weeks from tomorrow my baby will officially be a big boy and his party is 4 weeks from Saturday! I became one of the parents I always thought I’d never be and blew over a 100 bucks on Thomas and Friends party supplies…am I nuts??? Although when I got it all home and his face lit up like Christmas morning at the sight of all the blue and red…it was worth every penney. I can’t wait to see his face when it’s all up on the day of. We’re taking over the second floor of our friend’s coffeeshop for the party. I’m trying to be as excited as possible to gloss over the obvious part…that my baby will actually be 2 years old.