One thing I truly admire in people is the passion and fire they hold when they find a cause or something they believe in. Yet, I could never understand how it is that these causes can cause such a divide in people, parents, nations etc.
I only have three years in the door on parenting - so by no means am I an expert, yet I find it so sad that all these various types of parenting can cause such a divide between parents.
There are many of these sensitive issues we cross through the course of parenthood that can pit parents against each other when the passion is so strong that well intended advice can often come across *preachy* and condescending.
Be it your spiritual believes, home schooling, public education, breast feeding, formula feeding, cloth diapering, disposable diapers, co sleeping, staying at home with the children, or going into the work force - and a list that could go on and on, how is it that any one person can be made to feel badly about a choice they think is best not only for their child but their family unit as whole?
Why is it that woman should be made to feel badly for sharing the beauty of nursing her child in a public place, or a family suffers ill opinions of their choice to provide formula in the first year of their child’s life? Why is there a stigma attached to parents who choose an alternate form of educating or raising their child that is viewed against the norm is society? Who is to judge, should a woman choose to terminate a pregnancy for reasons that nobody but she can understand? Is a mother who stays at home with her children any less or more of a parent then one who is active in the workforce?
Why is the such a divide? Who dictates to a parent what choice is right and what choice is wrong? Is it the activist who merely see one side of the story? Is it the person who has never walked in another’s shoes? Is it the person who has been made to feel badly about a choice they made?
As parents shouldn’t we all be uniting on one common ground? In the end isn’t it more important that we raise happy, healthy children who offer more to our society then we ever could?
Isn’t it our job as parents and as a society to support and accept everyone for their differences and individual choices? Is there ever any right or wrong way to parent?
In the end don’t we all really have the same ultimate goal? To be the best parents we possibly can??
May 8th, 2008 at 6:49 am
Very well said.
I am like you, I like to look at the long term outcome of parenting instead of “in the moment” parenting. All the petty little things will fall to the wayside.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Bravo, Mandi! Very well said!
My belief is that parenting styles and techniques are as individual as the children we are parenting. What works for one child and 1 parent does not necessarily work for the next child and parent. Learning to adapt and alter to the needs of the child is not always an easy task, but a the end of the day when you tuck your wee one in at night, being able to look at them and know in your heart you are providing the best care and environment possible is really all that matters - isn’t it?
May 8th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I agree that we do have the same goal ultimately, but when you are “in the moment” and something is working so well for you, it is sometimes hard to see why someone else is so resistant to trying it out too, KWIM? I don’t think anyone is intentionally trying to be hurtful, they just don’t understand that their comments are seen that way.
I agree we need to support each other, like you said above, “Who dictates to a parent what choice is right and what choice is wrong?”
It’s ultimately up to each individual family to make these choices together and be comfortable in those choices. When you are, the other comments will not be hurtful to you, as you’ll know that the right choices were made for your family.
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts above and appreciate your words, as the saying goes “It Takes a Village”. CPO is that village for me!
May 8th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Thank you! I loved hearing the feed back from all of you!
Cara - I agree, sometimes when we are euphoric in our passion it can sometimes be hard to see that mere suggestions can be taken as something else.
I Can honestly say that I hold no regrets on the decisions we have made on the up bringing of Myles to date.
Maybe it’s my lack of thick skin the subjects my emotions to things I words I find harsh and harmful.
I walk a middle ground on many issues which is why I question why there is such a divide? I think the outcome can be easy…..it’s getting there that is the long winding road…..
May 8th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
what an awesome blog entry mandi!!! i totally agree with you…we all have different parenting styles and want nothing more than to raise happy and healthy kids.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Nicely written.
parenting is filled with such passion.. sometimes it gets too hot!