Every February a close knit group of relatives from my Mother’s side of the family gets together at the Mandarin restaurant to celebrate  the Winter birthdays. There is usually between 15-20 people from the youngest who is presently 4 to the oldest who is now 83. Tonight as I sat listening to conversation and watching the interaction of these people I thought how very lucky I am to be part of this family, and how each of the women were amazing role models who greatly influenced my life.

My Nana is the matriarch of the family. She has been a moral compass for me my whole life. She has influenced my love of reading, the importance of imagination and instilled in me a strong sense of family and friendship, compassion, and of right and wrong. She is well read, intelligent, opinionated and still has a strong sense of curiosity and knowledge about life in general. I love that we can openly discuss and debate just about any topic under the sun when we are together.

My Mother is the strongest woman I know. She left a bad marriage to raise 3 young children almost entirely on her own. She was widowed soon after her second marriage and  went back to school to become a nurse so she could better all our lives. She has suffered through hard times and health issues and never crumbled that I am aware of. She has supported me my whole life and continues to be there for me whenever I need her. She does not rely on anyone but herself and in so doing lives her life exactly as she wants. She is the heart of my family and has instilled a strong sense of independence and freedom in me.

My Aunt is the sensible, most giving of herself, kindhearted soul of the family. She is the philosophical, spiritual, considerate, soft spoken, and gentle peacekeeper. She garners respect through kindness as opposed to sternness, although you somehow know never to cross her. She has taught me common sense and acceptance, optimism, faith, and the importance of keeping family close.

My Great Aunt is a vibrant, energetic, intelligent woman of 8o. She takes great care of herself, always puts her best foot forward, and is always ready to keep the conversation going. She keeps herself very busy and active in the world around her and has taught me that growing older does not mean being frumpy or out of the loop.

Each of these wonderful ladies have been a blessing and an inspiration in my life and I love them all dearly.

I’ve been to several funerals in the past decade; mostly older relatives who have passed.  There have been differences of course, services with cremations to follow, viewings and burials on different days, some were drowning in flowers and photos, and some sparse of both. but they all seemed pretty much the same up until now. I’m not particularly good at dealing with death. I don’t know how some people can be so stoic and stand up and eulogize the dead. It takes a lot for me to stop from blubbering all over everyone. Just the look of grief on another person’s face and I turn into a puddle of tears. Today I attended the most wonderful funeral. I know that sounds horrible, but it really was wonderful. It was the service for a very long time family friend. He and his wife were neighbors and best friends of my Grandmother and they have known me since I was born.  I was raised calling them Aunt and Uncle, and have many good memories of time spent in their company at Christmas parties, picnics, swimming in their pool, sitting in lawn chairs in their yard or my Grandmothers, seeing them at baby or wedding showers, birthdays or weddings. As I got older I saw less of them, and I had not really seen him in a few years, but heard that he was ill and knew his time was coming. I honestly had not really expected his death to come as much of a surprise, or that I would attend his funeral let alone feel so sad at his passing.  This gentleman was a bit of a rascal, always a devilish twinkle in his eye, spent his days drinking and smoking at the local legion, but he was also the friendliest, kindest and most generous man I ever knew. He could strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere and leave them feeling like family. He adored children and made them feel so special. He was a loving family man and well known, respected member of the community. On Saturday November 14th he passed away. I found out that evening when my Mother, Grandmother and Aunt came to visit. I was okay at first, but seeing the grief on my relatives faces started me thinking about what a great loss it really was. This was a man who impacted the lives of so many people in such a good way. Over the next few days I found myself thinking about him and his family a lot and knew it was important that I attend the funeral and pay my respects with the rest of my family.When I walked into the funeral home it was like going back to my childhood. So many people had turned out that I had not seen together since I was a little girl. There were tears mingled with lots of very happy memories. Everyone was so happy to see and catch up with each other and share their grief while reminiscing about the good times they’d all had with my “Uncle”. We visited and hugged and renewed acquaintances. We all laughed together at parts of the eulogies and cried through others. The chapel overflowed with people whose lives had all been touched in some way by this man. Not one person in attendance would say he was perfect. He had his share of flaws, but the hand of friendship he extended to anyone and everyone, the generous spirit, the ease with which he could strike up a conversation and the sharing of his life and wonderful sense of humor was a gift that had left an impression on all who met him. It really made me think about the person I am and what effect I have on other people.