Blending my life

My baby girl made me proud today.

When I became preg with my Daughter I had a feeling deep down that I would have a girl. After giving birth to two boys I had serious misgivings about bringing a girl into the world. I knew what boys entailed. I knew they were high energy and would for the most part be fairly straight forward. I believed that boys would be easier to raise than girls. Girls in my mind meant I would be “paid back” for my own teen years. I know to most it was a silly stupid thought..but they were mine.

After she was born I tried to instill in her a sense of gentleness, compassion and inner strength. She grew to love dressing up, having her hair done and having “pretty nails”. All in all she was a girls girl. As long as she could do everything her brothers did that is. She would climb trees and catch bugs and ride bikes, doing the same tricks as her brothers…all while wearing a dress and having her hair done up. My baby girl was a tomboy in girls clothing. Any time I tired to put a pair of pants on her to play rough, she got upset and went to change herself.

So now my baby girl is 16. She still loves doing her hair and nails. She still loves dressing up and being a woman. She wears pants most of the time because its convinient, but she will put her high heels on while wearing jeans. She has gown to show true compassion for others, a love of life and sense of self worth that I truly wish I had had at her age. She is confident and I LOVE having a daughter. I know she is like me in many ways..but so much more improved. She is her own person, with her own strong ideas and ideals. I don’t always agree with her, but I am proud of her non the less.

Today she surprised me yet again. The awards ceremony took place at school today. She won an award, surprising both us her parents, but also herself. She did not know and did not expect it. I have to laugh though. She didn’t win it in anything that would be considered “girly” Her award is as a result of having the highest grade in the course she won. Auto Tech.

While my oldest son was in high school he won that award every year. Seems his sister is taking his place now. She has no intention of going on to be a mechanic. She simply wanted to know how to change her own oil and tires if the need ever arose. She did so much more than learn that. She can now weld and swap engines with the best high school student. I’m so proud of my little missy.

So yet again. My little woman who loves being a woman, make up and dresses can knock the socks off of any oil changing, tire changing guy at the school.

Love you Mandy..and Mommy is so dang proud it brings a tear to my eyes.

Wow, another year is coming to a close. I can’t believe how quickly this year has flown by.

I haven’t been on this blog for a while, and for that I’m truly sorry.

In September I went back to school. I entered the Funeral Services program here in Ontario. My DH and I knew that it would be quite the change for us as a family and that we would each have our “job” to do and we would have to make allowances in each other.

From the time DH and I were married I had taken over the house and all that needed to be done in it. Even working part time I still did all the “wifely” things that keep a house running smoothly. DH had done all of it while he was single and living alone..so I’m sure it wasn’t easy for him to give it all up to me. But we managed.

Now suddenly I was going to be gone all day and when I was home, studying late into the night. DH was absolutely amazing. He stepped right up and seemed to actually enjoy taking over the house and parenting duties. He worked full time, came home and made supper, cleaned house, did laundry and taxied our DD around. I tell you I could not have gone back to school without knowing my amazing man would step up and do everything that I used to do, and do them well. I had zero worries about how our life was going to be run while I spent so much time away.

Finally school was done for th semester. My exams were over and I was ready to be at home for a while But now I was no longer needed!! DH had completely taken over and really didn’t want to let me back doing the things that I had been doing for years. He was enjoying doing it all. He loved being able to be in the kitchen and making supper or lunch or vacuuming the floors or doing laundry the way HE wanted it all done.

Now we are both fairly anal people. We love to have our home a certain way. While I was away in school I did a few slight things that put things back the way that I was used to doing it. Like taking my pants and folding them “correctly” but I did it all on the sly. Not wanting DH to feel slighted in any way. Now suddenly we were both at home on holidays and both trying to beat each other to chores. I wanted to take over to release some of the pressure I just “knew” he must have been feeling while I was busy. He was trying to “prove” to me that he could “do it all” and “do it well”

After a couple of days he told me I was more anal than he was…we laughed and decided that we would have to work together. He really does enjoy working in the house and I really do enjoy not working in the house…lol We both love cooking, so we are taking turns till I go back to school.

I’ve had to do another work placement. This I think has helped in my relationship. Again he was left to do it all while I was working 10+hours a day.

Now on the brink of yet another year. We are again redoing this thing called marriage. Both of us willing to bend and grow together and make changes that suite us both. We have learned and are learning again that in order for this relationship/marriage/family to work we need to constantly be willing to adapt and move with what the other needs and wants. Things that we were maybe not willing to do the first time around we are more than willing to do this time.

Now tonight we will celebrate the dying of the old year and the birth of a new one. DD and I will go out today and gather the things we need to do our anual fondue. Then spend the evening playing games, watching tv and just being together.

For those of you that have suffered a lot in 2008 My heart goes out to each of you. I hope and pray and wish for each of you a blessed 2009. So many things to look forward to. For me and my family, I will finish school and our third son will finish high school YEAH!! The rest is yet a mystery. Who knows what the future holds?

I wish for each of you a wonderful night tonight, spent with those you love and hold dear. If you need to travel, please stay safe. Don’t drink and drive. One thing I have learned this year is that none of us are immune to tragedy. So be as safe as you can.

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!

So I haven’t been on here in a while. My summer has been crazy busy, but totally wonderful!

I’ve been running around with my kids, planning trips and entertaining friends and family from close by and far away. The first person to come was my niece from out west with her family. We had a wonderful visit and I was able to meet my great niece for the very first time! DH and I fell totally and completely in love with her.

Then came the family from Holland. My cousin, his wife and their two daughters. We spent an awesome time roaming around Ont and then one nephew took them all to Ohio for a couple of days. They left just this past Sunday and are now safely home in Holland.

Then my favorite trip of the summer. My friend and fellow CPO’er from the east coast came Angeloftheisland!  aka Tracey.

We did the Niagara Falls trip. Had a complete blast. Although I have to bug her about not wanting to go on the “Maid of the Mist” We did do the “Sky Wheel” and headed under the falls. I also got her gambling at both casino’s. Playing one and two penny slots..lol You would have thought we won the jackpot when we were up $12…lol Lots of fun for very little money. We also took a trip across the border to Michigan and did some shopping. The best part was not having to pay duty on it Shoes were of course a blast to shop for and try on. I came back with a couple of comfy shoes and she came back with a knock out pair of high heels

We then had a mini cpo bbq at my place. A few of our friends came. First though we did the pedicure thing, then came back here to spend time together. Memories we will all hold on tight to.

Thankfully Tracey was also able to spend a bit of time with her Ontario family. We didn’t however get to go swimming. There just wasn’t time.

Sadly all trips must come to an end, and I reluctantly took her to the airport yesterday morning and watched her walk away (without waving..grrrrrrrr..lol)

So now it’s time for me to get back to real life. Cleaning house, doing laundry and preparing myself for the school year ahead. You see I’m heading back to school myself. I start in two weeks from today..and between now and then I still have to do some final shopping and there are a couple of mini trips to take care of. Along with doing the orientations for the school year.

I wonder if things will slow down before Christmas..somehow I doubt it.

It’s Friday night and I’m sitting out on our deck alone. It is giving me some time to think and contemplate life. We hit another bump in our Blended family road this week. My kids lost their grandfather. I have to say it like that because this grandfather was my father in law, but is no longer part of MY family, but is a part of my kids family. I find that very strange indeed. I came to the realization that my kids have family that I don’t have.

Now their Grandfather was sick for a great number of years. As a matter of fact he’s never been healthy in all the years I’ve known him. The Dr’s never expected him to live long even 20 + years ago when I first met him. Probably 35 years ago he was working in construction to help pay down the mortgage on his farm when he used some kind of chemical that got into his lungs and he was rushed to hospital with two collapsed lungs. The dr’s were able to bring one lung back, but he never regained full use of that one lung. I think he had something like 30% use of it for years. He kept getting tested and the capacity kept going down and down. When my ex and I separated he was on oxygen 100% of the time and it was down to under 10% of that one lung. But strangely enough, that isn’t what got him in the end. About a year before the separation he was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. He didn’t want to do anything about it. So he didn’t. A few years ago, it spread to his bones. Late last year it started attacking his organs, and two months ago it went to his brain. Not a nice way to die for sure.

Thankfully all the grandkids were able to say their goodbyes over the last couple of months.

I remember when my grandparents all died. Because they lived in Holland and I lived here there were no goodbyes and I didn’t realize how important that is. 6 years ago my husbands grandparents died and the whole family gathered to say goodbye, and I remember thinking how wonderful it was to spend that time together and express love and joy before a death. How very healing that is. For those of you that have that opportunity I hope you take it, forget how uncomfortable it is to be near someone that you know is not going to be around for much longer, and let them know how important he/she is to you. Having done it both ways, saying goodbye is so much better.

I would have loved to have gone to this funeral. My ex’s family was a big part of my life for a great number of years, and I would have liked to have expressed my condolences. Unfortunately I am “persona non grata” there and knew I would not be welcomed. I wonder how many Blended families have this issue. I wonder how others handle it. I know how Rolf handled it when his ex mother in law died 3 years after his divorce. He sent flowers but didn’t go to the funeral. He probably would have been welcomed, but didn’t think it was his place to go.

I stuggle with how to help my kids. I know how it is to lose a grandparent, but I don’t know how to comfort them. When their uncle died 1.5 weeks before their grandfather it was so much easier because I was with them to help them through. This time I had to let them go to their fathers family and deal with it all there without me.

Divorce sucks. Not that I would have wanted to stay married to my ex…but I feel at such a loss when something like this happens. One of my friends here that has been married for over 20 years kept telling me I should go to the funeral and just could not wrap her head around me not going for my kids. She kept looking at me like I was the strangest mother alive. I just did not know how to explain it. I still don’t.

So tomorrow my kids come home. I will hug them and kiss them and let them know I love them. I will try to help them carry on. Life goes on, and this is just another lesson on this road we call life.

I thought maybe I should spend at least one post here getting back on topic. I’ve strayed so far lately that I’ve forgotten where I was. And I’m simply to lazy to go back and look…so forgive me if I leave something out.

So you know how we met and how things went when I met his family. That much I know for sure you’ve read.

That takes us to our first Christmas together. We were very lucky to spend that first Christmas alone. We had spent the evening before with Rolfs family. My kids were there and we all had a good time. Early the next morning my ex picked up the kids for the day to spend with him. As much as I missed the kids I was really looking forward to spending the entire day alone with my sweetie. (don’t tell him I called him that on here)

So after the kids were gone and we were finally alone, we decided to exchange gifts. I honestly can’t remember what I gave him that first Christmas. I’m so bad with stuff like that except when we exchange things that really mean a lot to us. I had very little money, so I know it wasn’t anything big. I just asked him. I gave him a stein, I’m not sure what else I gave him. He however went nuts and bought me a new watch, which I still wear just about every day And he gave me a gold necklace with a small stone in it. I wear it most days as well. When he put it around my neck he said “everytime you look at this I want you to remember how much I love you”

My heart nearly melted. What more could I want in a man? Then later this man that swore he would never ever get married again took something to the basement and when he came upstairs again he took me in his arms and looked deeply into my eyes and said ” I never thought I would feel this way again, I just want you to know that I want to grow old with you”

I was lost. That was it. I knew for sure without a doubt that we would get married “someday” I was in no real hurry, I didn’t want to push him, and besides, my divorce was not final yet by a long shot. So we spent some quality time together before the kids got home again. Well to my home. Rolf and I were not living together and because there were children involved we had decided to take things very slowly.

My world was complete in that moment. You ever have one of those perfect days? That was one for me.

Next time I’ll tell you how I thought our relationship was nearly destroyed by his ex wife. That should be exciting don’t you think?

So today we laid my brother in law to rest.

The kids came over either last night or this morning, and off we went. We live outside of Waterloo Ont, and everything was happening down in the niagara region. We hit a traffic jam on the 403. Not just an average one though, I swear we were moving at inches per min!!

Finally we arrived at my sisters just as she was pulling out of her driveway. Thank goodness, I would have had one heck of a time finding the funeral home. We get there and I was finally able to see for myself the shape my sister was in. She must have lost 10 pounds in the last 4 days. I saw her a week and a half ago and she really did look thinner and way more tired. I brought along ties for my nephews as they don’t have any of their own.

Then the real chore came. It was time to head into the funeral home to say our final farewells to Jack.

Now my sister told me that when she finally got to Jack on Sat where he had died she couldn’t get to him fast enough. She was ready to punch him for leaving her boys with no father. I kinda understood her anger and frustration…but I didn’t fully. Today when I saw Jack I had the same feelings come over me. I was just about racing to the coffin. Thankfully no one really followed me. I was bawling and swearing at him under my breath, all at the same time. I know that sound strange to most people. But I was really mad at him. He was young, to young to die. He didn’t have to die. He could have taken care of himself better and gone to the dr. to get himself checked out. We found out on Monday that he was suffering from heart failure. This doesn’t mean he had to die, it meant he needed medications. So yes I was mad at him for leaving my nephews with no father…and all because he hated Dr’s. After calming down a bit, my kids came to say their goodbyes and again the tears started flowing as I watched their emotions come pouring out. It’s never easy to watch your children going through something like this.

Then others started showing up. Some I knew well, some I had never met, but all there to honour the life my brother in law lived.

Now Sunday I had asked my sister if anyone was giving a eulogy and her answer was no. I asked her if  she wanted me to say something  since I knew Jack so well. Again she said no, not to worry about it. I asked her again on Mon and then on Tues. The answer was always the same. So I didn’t worry about it. But about 3 min before everyone sat down, she rushed over to me and asked me to give a short eulogy. Yeah right!!! I was in no way prepared. But, I said yes anyway. I went and talked to my nephews and asked them if there was anything they wanted me to say about their dad. It was after all a way for them to get across any thoughts or feelings that they wanted. Zach said no, and Brixton just wanted people to know what a wonderful dad he had been.

Honestly I don’t know what I said, or even how long I talked. I just know that I made it all about the boys and whenever I looked at them, they were smiling at me, Brixton was beaming when I mentioned how great Jack had been as a father. The rest is pretty much a blur. I went and sat down next to my daughter and she was crying. I hugged her and she said I did a good job. Liz was happy with it, and so were the boys. Thats all I wanted.

The funeral ended, and Jack was laid to rest. The luncheon ended and I spent a little time with my sister and nephews at her house before heading home. My husband and I will be setting up a trust fund for the boys (at my sisters request)

So now life goes on. For me, and for my kids. I worry about my nephews. I think they need counseling, and I hope my sister gets that for them. It’s going to be a long journey for all of them.

Soon I will get back to blending my life, I just needed to get that all out. Thank you for reading.

Before I begin, I want to apologize because I will probably ramble here. So bare with me please.

The first time I met Jack he was walking behind my sister and I nearly punch him in the face. You see my sister had just broken up with a guy that treated her like a piece of dirt and I thought Jack was that guy. Thankfully Liz stopped me before I actually hit him.

That was how I met my future brother in law. So to say the least we had a good story of our first meeting.

Jack was the youngest of 11 children. As I’m sure you can tell by his name in the heading on this blog, he came from a French Canadian background. I say he was the youngest, he was and he wasn’t. When he was 18 he found out that his oldest sister was actually his birth mother. He was never told that he was adopted by his grandparents. It took a long time after he found out to come to terms with the relationship between his sister/mother and himself. Like so many young women, his sister became preg as a teen and not long after he was born, she gave him up to her parents. It was the best thing she could have done for him, and he never once hated her for doing that for him. He had a wonderful childhood with two of the best parents.

He met my sister just over 19 years ago. She was working as a waitress north of Ottawa when Jack came in and literally swept her off her feet. Two days later they were engaged and she had packed her things up and moved to St Catherine’s. Yes you did read that right, two days. They came to see me on their way to St Catherine s. I didn’t care, as long as my sister was happy.

They didn’t get married right away though. They lived together. Then my sister became preg with their first child. I think that made them realize that they really did want to get married, but they wanted to wait till after the birth so that no one could say they “had” to get married.

Ohhh the birth of my nephew was wonderful. Both my sister and brother in law wanted me to be there as her labour coach. I was so honoured. The min she went into labour she called and I rushed to her side. I spent the next 7 hours beside her as she laboured. Then just before Zach was born I left the room. I felt very strongly that this moment was just for them. For Jack and Liz to share. So I left. Later I found out that Jack passed out and hit his head on the chair behind him. He came to me right after the birth and told me that unless I agreed to be in the delivery room with the next one, there was not going to be a next one..lol

My sister wanted another child and so I promised I would be there. I was, and Brixton was born just over two years later. Jack didn’t pass out this time, but he refused to look, even when I encouraged him to witness the miracle of birth. I joked with him about it for years afterwards. Jack was a wonderful father to his two boys. He spent every moment he could with them. He doted on both boys as well as my sister.

Then after being together for 15 years, Jack and Liz separated. My sister is the one that left. Jack would never have left. He loved her with all that he was. My sister was no longer happy. I don’t know why. They stayed friends. Yes the first 6 months were rough but they worked through it. They became friends in the truest sense of the word. They still went to each other with problems and concerns. They sought the opinion of the other in just about everything. I think, no I know that if my sister ever said the word, he would have taken her back in a heartbeat. He still went out of his way to do as much for her as he could. Just last week he went out, bought new brakes for her car and installed them. When she asked him why, he shrugged his shoulders and simply said he would feel better knowing she was safe when she was driving. That was the kind of guy he was.

This weekend was his weekend with both boys. I don’t know what they did last night. This morning Zach went to Jacks bedroom to wake him up. He couldn’t. Jack had died sometime during the night. No one knows why. We won’t have any answers for a few days. Jack did suffer from asthma and sleep apnea. I don’ t know if either of those things were the cause, I’m just saying he had that.

My heart bleeds for my nephews, for my sister and my kids. We all loved Jack.

Jack, you made me laugh, your making me cry right now. I will miss you buddy. I feel so blessed for having known you. Thank you for letting me share the special moments in your life. For giving me two wonderful nephews and despite everything, for loving my sister the way you did.

I love you

Good bye Jack. Feb 11/1966 to May 24/2008

We got up Saturday morning and I had to bide my time before heading over to my sister in laws.
I told Rolf that Kurt and Barb were coming for supper after we got back. He bought it hook line and sinker.
So after tidying up the house a bit I headed over to Kurt and Barbs. We got everything prepared and after a few frantic calls from Mandy (she just wanted to know EVERYTHING) I was able to head home to sit on pins and needles till people showed up.
I got home and Rolf was working in the basement cleaning everything up since he figured his brother and sister in law would want to see the finished basement.
That was fine, but it was less than an hour before the first guests were set to arrive. So I shooed him upstairs to take a shower and set out to empty my truck with last min things. That being done I went to check on rolf and the doorbell rang.
It was only 4:30, and no one was to show up before 5..it was Jer!
I came down the stairs quickly yelling in my softest voice….what the hell are you doing here???????
He started freaking…what do you mean? I’m always late and thought early was better this time…LOL

Ummmmmmm NO. So we came up with a quick plan to tell Rolf that Jer just stopped in to show us his new car (he just got a new car, so that really helped..lol)
That worked out way better than we thought. Rolf took the car for a spin then the two of them sat outside in the back to talk. As they were talking Mandy and Tricia waited out front for people to start arriving. The first to get here (after Jer that is) was my brother, his wife and kids. They too thought they should arrive early for some reason…so mandy came and got me from the back. I kept Ben and his family in the garage and pretty soon everyone else arrived. I told Mandy to stay out back and keep Rolf from coming in till we were all ready.
Finally everyone was here and I headed into the house. I told them to come to the front door and ring the bell and I would get Rolf to answer it.
Well that didn’t work well since everyone just stood outside and no one rang the bell. Rolf was in the kitchen by this point…so finally I just went to the front and got everyone in the front hall. Rolf still wouldn’t come to the front till finally I said…Rolf would you come here for a min?
He later told me he thought that was a bit strange since he was thinking “Kurt and barb have been here before..what do I need to come for”…LOL
So he comes around the corner and sees everyone standing there..he had this look of complete confusion on his face…like, ok..what are all these people doing here?
Everyone said SURPRISE!
And poor Rolf looked even more confused than he had a min before. He just said “what???”
Then someone said “happy birthday” and finally it dawned on him what was going on…LOL
The look was PRICELESS!
He was shell shocked!
He told me he had NO CLUE.
Sooooooo yeah…I managed to lie through my teeth and he never suspected a thing…lol

Introductions had to be made because Rolfs family had never met Ben and Nadine (my brother and sister in law)
Supper was put together and everyone had a good time.
No mishaps….well except for one..Rolf fell deeply in love with Ben and Nadines kids…especially Olivia who is only 1!
And to make things fair..Olivia fell for Rolf big time too. Ben and Nadine were in shock because apparently Olivia does not take to strangers well at all!

All in all the entire Party went over very well. I’m still blown away that I was able to lie to my husband and he never for a min caught on.

I’m never going to top this, and to make sure I don’t drive myself crazy again for weeks on end, I’ve asked a few friends to hit me over the head with a baseball bat if I EVER come up with another hair brained idea again

Again I am up early.

I wish I could just roll over and go back to sleep, but I have so much to do today that I’m afraid if I don’t get an early start I will never get it all done. I’m throwing a surprise party for my husband tomorrow. It would be so much easier if would leave the house, but no one could figure out how to do that without tipping our hand. So all the prep work will be done at my sister in laws house.

I’m sure I will blog more about that after the party..to day I want to gather my thoughts about someone I respect and admire tremendously!!

And this person isn’t my husband. Yes I do respect and admire my husband and I love him more than I ever thought I could love a man. This other man I’ve only met a few times but he has touched my life and my husband’s life in ways I could never thank him enough for.

This man is Dave. Such a simple name for such an amazing man. When I first became aware of his character he was still married to Rolf’s ex wife, and was the step father to Rolfs son Jer. Let me back up just a bit here. Rolf got married the first time when he was 21. He and his then wife Heather tried to have a child together but after a year or so of trying they decided to go to the dr and find out why things were not happening in the baby department. It was determined that Rolf could not father children. As you might expect this news was a huge blow to Rolf. But instead of just letting their dreams die they opted to put their names in for adoption. It did not take a long time before they were approached about adopting a child that was yet to be born. A young girl was preg and wanting to give her child a good life. You know the story well I’m sure. 14 year old girl preg and not married and no way to support a child. After some bumps along the way Jeremy Kevin was born and the adoption went through.

A year and a half later Rolf and Heather divorced and a bitter custody battle ensued. After fighting for a few years Rolf decided that it was better for Jer to live in peace than to see his parents constantly fighting and gave his ex wife full custody. Rolf missed his son terribly but refused to put his son in the middle. His ex wife remarried Dave. Dave treated Jer as if Jer was his own son! He was awesome with him. After being married to Heather for a while Dave decided that it was time that Jer started seeing Rolf again. Dave contacted Rolfs parents and made Heather apologize to them personally for keeping Jer away from Rolf and Rolfs family.  He then set about getting Jer to have more equal time between the two families. Without Dave, Jer surely would have been lost from this family till adulthood. For that I will be forever grateful!!

Jer truly has two dads in ever sense of the word. Both Dave and Rolf only want what is best for their son. Dave and Heather eventually divorced. Heather is married again, for how long? who knows.

Dave spent a nice evening with us last night. We were able to talk openly about all sorts of things. Amazingly, none of us really talked about Heather. We did mention her in passing, but mostly we talked about the kids and I was very impressed with this man and his commitment to family. He is what every father should strive to be. I’m sure he’s not perfect as none of us parents are. But he is a warm hearted, kind and wise man. He is more than welcome in my home any time he wants to!!

Thank you Dave..for without you I would not enjoy the wonderful relationship I have today with MY son Jer!

So the saga continues.

After our first date, we decided to see each other twice a week. Very traditional I know

We would see each other on Wed evenings after both of us were done work. Then on weekends he would come over and spend the day or after a couple of months he would spend the weekend. If the kids were off visiting their father I would go to his place for the weekend. This time in our relationship was really all about getting to know each other. After about two months of dating Rolf informed me that he was inviting his family over for supper the next weekend. I gulped! That was the weekend I was going to be spending at his place! WHAT in the world was he thinking? I asked him if they knew I was going to be there? He calmly said yes and that was the reason he was inviting them, so they could meet me? UMMMMMMMMMMMMM WHAT??? I was stunned. So I said to him “couldn’t we just keep this relationship to ourselves?..why involve family?” He laughed and just hugged me and said it would be fine. Yeah sure, family! That’s a HUGE step to take. He hadn’t met my family. Ok, so I wasn’t on talking terms with my family but that didn’t make any difference to me. I was terrified!!!!

So that weekend came around. I had to work Sat and would show up at his place maybe an hour before his family was supposed to come over. Everything was going fine. I helped Rolf with the last min details of setting the table etc. Rolf had done all the cooking (he’s a wonderful cook) I thought my nerves were settling down rather well till the doorbell rang. I was ready to dash out the back door and told Rolf that. He grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go as we headed to the front door. Now you have to understand, his family does not do things in little bits and pieces. When Rolf opened the door they were all there!! I mean they were ALL there. His parents, his siblings and their wives and even and aunt and uncle that came up from the states to meet ME! It was like they were all waiting till everyone got there before ringing the bell. Everyone came bounding in, taking off coats and talking a mile a min. I couldn’t remember who was who, well except for Rolfs brothers. They both looked like him with slight variations in height. We sat down and had a very nice supper and talked till the wee hours of the morning. It all went rather well I think. I could have clobbered Rolf though for planning this and not really talking to me about it first. It’s funny now that I think back on that evening. Rolf was just being Rolf. He is getting much better at talking to me about things before doing them, but it took a long while for me to get it through his head that on important issues it would be nice to be consulted before being dragged along with his plans..lol. He just naturally assumed that everything is fine if he decides to do something. After being alone for 11 years it just never entered his head to consult anyone about anything he does.

There was still a lot to learn about this man I was falling in love with. We hit a few bumps along the way. For instance, his relationship with my kids. Now you have to understand that a few months before I met Rolf my ex had taken off with the kids and kept them away from me for a couple of months! That’s another long story I might share with you sometime. As a result, the kids were still getting used to being back with me and were still sorting through all the things that my ex had told them while in his care. Because of this they were not always very open with Rolf and sometimes treated me with a bit of disrespect. The disrespect drove Rolf batty. He didn’t understand that the kids were nursing hurts and fears that were very deep for them, and that I was doing my best to help them understand that mommy wasn’t going anywhere and no one would snatch them away again. Rolf thought the kids, mostly my oldest had issues with HIM being in my life. He often felt very frustrated when I didn’t put my oldest son in his place when he mouthed off to me. Again, with him being single for so long and not having his son life with him full time, he simply didn’t understand the whole situation.

So one day I received an email from Rolf saying he was not going to be seeing me that weekend. The way he worded the email it sounded like he was breaking up with me. Me being me..just didn’t take that very well at all! Here I was, falling head over heels in love with this guy and all he could do was email me? WTH? I tried calling him..over and over and over again. He wouldn’t pick up the phone. I knew he was home, he had said so in his email. FINALLY on Sunday night he picked up the phone. I was frantic. I wanted to know what he thought he was doing by breaking up with me through an email. I demanded that if he wanted to break up with me, he had better be man enough to do it in person because I wasn’t accepting it any other way!! I was FUMING! Poor Rolf. He had no idea what I was talking about. He had no intention of breaking up with me. Umm what? He then went on to explain that he thought my oldest son hated him, and he was depressed over it. He reminded me that he had told me that he gets depressed sometimes. Yeah sure, I remember him mentioning that at one point (I believe it was during our first marathon date…lol) I hadn’t thought much about that since I know we all get depressed once in a while. Rolf then went on to explain that he has bi-polar disorder. Sooooo me being me again gave him hell!…lol I let him know in no uncertain terms that if we were going to have any kind of relationship at all he couldn’t just hide away in his house and ignore me. If he was depressed so be it, but he wasn’t going to hide from me or from life because he didn’t want me to see him like that. And yes, that is why he didn’t see me that weekend, he didn’t want me to see him depressed. I told him a relationship wasn’t just about the good and fun times, it was about the whole package, happy, depressed, sad, excited etc. I think I got through to him because less than an hour later he was on my doorstep and we were able to talk it all through. I can’t remember being that angry with him since that night when it all came into focus just how sensitive he really was. We still had a long way to go in blending our lives, but that evening for both of us was a real turning point. No longer were we simply dating, we were a couple and we were learning together how this would all work out. I think it was that night when we both realized just how important we were becoming to each other and we were developing a strategy on how to communicate better and build a lasting relationship.

Time for me to get moving here. More to come next time. Maybe I’ll let you in on my meeting his sister in laws family..what a night THAT was!

Take care