It is sometimes hard to know what date is more significant in my life - my birthday, my wedding anniversary, my children’s births…. each has a special meaning and significance but it seems that over time July 17th has become the most significant. July 17th, as it turns out, was the end and the beginning.
You know the term half glass full? - well that is what I am talking about. And actually, that whole way of thinking started about 6 months prior to July 17th when my husband Phil and I were told that our first child, Cale, had pulminary hypertension and that he would not survive. Unless you have experienced this as a parent you have no idea what this does to you . I remember sitting alone shortly after hearing this come from the doctors mouth and feeling like I have never felt before. The joy of a first child was about to be taken from us - they didn’t know how long - maybe today, tomorrow, next week or in 5 years. Through the tears and saddened feeling my heart was experiencing I made a decision that for however long, it was going to be the best it could be. It is hard to look at a situation like this with a glass half full mindset - but I knew that if I was to look back some day I would want to know that we did everything possible to insure our little guys life was the best it could be - for how ever long it would be.
13 years later I do look back and remember my son and his life, albeit many days in the hospital, as a great life. A life filled with laughter and smiles - stories and love. Cale taught us what life is really about - it is not how long you are here but what you do with the days you have here on earth. It is about focusing less on “things” and more on people - relationships and finding joy in the journey - no matter what that journey may be.
July 17th was the end and the beginning. It was the end of our son’s life here on earth but the beginning of the next part of our journey. I sometimes feel like I have had two lives - the one with Cale and the one after Cale. I take from my time with him so many lessons - and a new way of being. I have two healthy children now and because of Cale, I love them more - and, I believe, am a better person and mother for it.
As we remember Cale today we are filled with sadness but we are also filled with so much gratitude. Cale has made us appreciate life- he remains an important part of our family and continues to teach us lessons everyday.
Remember - life is a journey. Choose to find joy in it - no matter what challenges you face.
Helen
