Are we spoiling our kids?
The other day my kids, 7 and 10, offered me a deal. They said they didn’t want to go to the Science Centre on Sunday, and that if I took them to a local toy store instead, it would cost less and they would be happier. I suspected my son, the older of the two, had convinced his little sister to go along with the plan.
At the time I thought it was pretty cute and clever, so I agreed. I rationalized it to myself as a lesson in taking some initiative, having fun and “thinking outside of the box”.
It occurred to me later though that I wasn’t teaching them about innovation, I was perpetuating the myth that material gain equals happiness. “Who is the parent here?” I asked myself.
In retrospect I should have told them that the plans for going to the Science Centre were already made and taken them anyway. Of course they would have had fun once they got there. And once they got caught up in that fun the toy store would be forgotten.
The momentary urge to spend money on a toy, have something new, passed shortly after we got home. No lasting memories or amazing new facts learned, no photos to refer to later. Just two kids who got their way despite the fact “their way” was based on the wrong message.
Are we spoiling our kids? We take protection to new extremes to guard against even the most remote chance of injury. They get “stuff” but no substance. They have everything I never had as a child including their Father’s full and undivided attention, yet I don’t think they’re learning to place value in friends, family and experiences.
So how do I teach my children the most important lessons, when they are bombarded my all of the wrong messages every day from every media?
How do I mitigate the constant temptation to spend, spend, spend with all of the corporations promising happiness if they do?
As much as I speak with them about caring more about people than things, let them attend a Sunday school which promotes messages of empathy and compassion, take time to engage them in play at the park and activities at home, it seems a losing battle.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:00 pm
With my first child, I bought into the “bargaining”… thinking that I was raising a great communicator. Uh, no. I raised a kid (so far, he’s only 6) who thinks he can negotiate his way out of anything.
Sometimes no is no.
I think you can beat that constant temptation to spend, spend, spend in your kids by beating it yourself. Show them how you budget. Show them how much money goes to groceries, mortgage, savings…
Look at something you want, and have them watch as you save the money over a month or more. If you spend less and are frugal and let your kids see that, they will be more frugal.
I think. ;0)
Heather
http://blog.canadianparents.com/serenitynow/
August 27th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Hello,
I was interested in your post because I’m a reporter with the National Post working on a story about consumerist kids.
There seem to be two schools of thought: that spoiled kids who become brand hungry teens will increasingly become the norm, as long as they have their parents — who in many cases are equally consumerist — to watch and mimic.
The second school is that we are on the cusp of a great ‘mental environmentalist’ age — where parents put their foot down and shield their kids from advertising and Christmas shopping extravaganzas.
I’m looking for parents to comment on their own experience. Would you be available to chat by phone today or tomorrow?
I’m in the office at 416-383-2513.
Thanks very much!
Zosia Bielski