Ach, it’s a Bonnie life!!

This is a quote from the start of a new post today in the CPO Insider blog:

“I’d like to congratulate our dedicated Child & Family Therapist, Sara Dimmerman on the release of her first book, Am I a Normal Parent?, the definitive guide to figuring out what’s normal for parents in the 21st century.”

There’s a quiz you can take here and after taking the quiz, I really had to sit back and think a bit. I posted my comment to that blog but I’ll put it here again because I think that some of it really bears repeating and thinking about …

Wow, some really thought-provoking questions there.

The difference between LOVING your child(ren) and LIKING them … luckily both of my boys seem to be developing into wonder, caring human beings (although some days I sure question the “human beings” bit!!) and even though they are radically different, I really do like them both (most of the time).

“Be there in a minute” (or ten?) - that’s another hard one - we are pulled in so many different directions at once and we’re trying so hard to multi-task, that getting side-tracked or being “rushed off your feet” is a common ailment. No wonder when I tell them that they only have a few minutes left of video game time they take 1/2 hour or more … they’ve learned to “stretch” time from me … arrgh!!

I’ve often thought that Normal is nothing more than a town in Illinois … and this seems to underline that. I’ll watch for your book in the local stores/library - I think it will make a very interesting read!!

As I commented above, there were some questions in that quiz that really made me think. Do I LIKE my children as well as love them? When I say “I’ll be there in a minute” and it takes 10 minutes - did I really mean to say “Give me 10 or 15 minutes” or did I really mean 1 minute and I just got sidetracked? My husband will tell you that I have no idea about “mornings from hell” (because I leave the house at 5 am every day to go to work…), but he could probably write a book about those kind of mornings!!

This is a really great subject for Sara to have written about - so many of us have found CPO in the first place because we were looking for reassurances about our parenting - and really those assurances are mostly about “normal”, aren’t they?

There really IS a town in Illinois called “Normal” … it’s southwest of Chicago and where the Illinois State University is located. But is “Normal” more than that? To paraphrase a bit, is one person’s “normal” just another person’s “weird”? I really don’t think that there is just one state of “normal”. What’s normal in my home may not be normal for other families homes.. So how does that allow us to define normal if it’s different for everyone??

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my last post … Zen Bliss and being the “Ultimate You” … these are hard things to define, and even harder to find. I’ve also been procrastinating on getting a bunch of work done that I really need to either have finished already or at least have a good handle on. I’m an excellent procrastinator. I could teach a course in it, but I’d probably never get the course outline finished…

The Ultimate Me … well, I was a lot closer about six months ago than I am now, but I think I’m making some positive changes to try to get back there. I’ve struggled so much in the past few months and have gone from absolutely loving every moment of my job to detesting everything about it (or very nearly everything). The change has brought on a very deep (and frankly, very scary) depression, panic attacks and has very seriously affected my health. But, I’m working hard on a business plan with a former coworker and we will start our own business (”consulting” … how original, eh?) in the next couple of months. I took a very deep breath and filed an official harassment complaint with the HR department at work, and I can only hope that might bring about some positive change. Or at least it will bring about a definitive ending. I just know that something has to give very soon on the work front. My doctor is worried enough to want to see me every other week - I haven’t seen him this much since I was pregnant… I’ve also been seeing a personal counsellor regularly although now I think it’s time to turf the counsellor and get a referee (aka marriage counsellor) to help us both deal with the “ripple effects” that all the negative changes in my work have caused. With some hard work, maybe I can at least become the Penultimate Me by the end of the summer??

My best friend was writing a book for about a year and she was happy doing it. I don’t know why she stopped, but I know she’s not so happy anymore. It was a fairly small part of her life, but it’s absence seems to have made a huge difference. Why is it the little things that always seem to derail everything?

I remember talking to her one night on MSN about her story. I suggested that the story was a string that she (as an author) had to unravel neatly with just enough hint of tangles that it kept the reader interested — that the story was not “created” from scratch so much as guided into being. You know the beginning and the end, and probably a few points in the middle, and after that you just follow the string as the story struggles to come out. Does this make sense? Or is it really a case of inventing every moment as you go along. Does the author impose him/herself on the story or does the story emerge in it’s own way?

I’ve been viewing my business plan very much as she viewed her story. At times I feel it’s an unraveling ball of string and I’m just here to type it out and keep it from going off on too many tangents, and at times I feel that I’m struggling to form an idea and get it onto the screen. It seems to be the former sections where my partner reads it and just says “wow” and the latter sections where we both know there’s a lot of rewriting to be done there. With the new meds for the panic attacks I feel like I’ve lost my ball of string and I know that forcing the story (business plan) isn’t going to produce good results. I guess that’s writer’s block, isn’t it?

And here I am, with writer’s block, procrastinating on my business plan with my blog, and plotting further procrastination … most likely with pogo for a while (bearing in mind that it’s already 10 pm and I do have to get up at 4 am…) Oh well, maybe I’ll think about that a little later.

Zen Bliss — have you ever heard of this?  I think it’s something my best friend made up — well, the name anyway, not the actual feeling.  I was reading one of her old blog entries today and thinking about several recent telephone conversations that we’ve had.  Her definition of Zen Bliss is “being comfortable in ones own skin”.  She is lucky enough that she knows where to find her Zen Bliss.  I know what makes me happy, but being happy is not finding Zen Bliss.

I envision Zen Bliss as a fleeting moment where you’re completely at peace with yourself — ALL of yourself …  Inner Peace is something that I don’t have a lot of … probably comes with the depression, who knows.

I also caught the end of Freaky Friday (the new one with Jamie Lee Curtis & Lindsay Lohan) while channel cruising the other night - which is where this entry’s title comes from - the song she sings at the end…  After reading her post about Zen Bliss, I started thinking about it and the song was playing and wondered how you would become the “Ultimate You” - and would this also be a fleeting thing, like her Zen Bliss — is it maybe Zen Bliss or is it like another side of the same coin?  Things to think about …

I also know I haven’t posted on my blog in a while.  I was blocked.  I had stopped wanting to tell the story I was telling and I did not want to tell the story that I was living at the moment.

I’ve had difficulties with depression for years, and some difficulties I’m experiencing at work have just made it worse right now.  So Zen Bliss is something that’s completely missing at the moment, but something I think I’ll try looking for again soon.

What do you envision Zen Bliss as being?  Have you ever found it - even fleetingly??  These are questions that it’s very difficult to answer, even in the privacy of your own mind…

My mind, not the game … I’m in the middle of preparing a Business Plan for the next year (or so) and every time I think I have the framework down and can start fleshing out the various components, I think of another HUGE factor that needs to be taken into account. My mind is just boggling at the moment with all of it.

So to give my poor brain a bit of a break, I’ll start with a “recap” of this Bonnie Life… some know my story and some don’t but it’s been a roller coaster ride, I’ll tell you…

I grew up “a townie” in Niagara-on-the-Lake … a beautiful place to visit (provided of course that you’re over 19 (drinking age) and if you have a driver’s license and a car), but a really boring place to grow up. There was “nothing” in town. There were (and still are) a lot of cute touristy stores, but otherwise?? Nada, zip, not much at all. There was no mall to hang out at, there’s no McD’s (or any fast food places at all), there’s no movie theatre, no record store, nothing really for a teen. Is it any wonder we used to play “Capture the Flag” on (and in) places we probably shouldn’t have been? Last time I was there I noticed that a McD’s had opened near the high school, but that’s a few miles outside of town, I’m sure it wouldn’t be allowed in town. Of course, as an adult, it’s wonderful to go back and visit - go to the theatre, shop in the Christmas Store, hit a few wineries and the lovely brewery in Virgil, but this is now and that was then …

As soon as I graduated from high school I went to London to go to University to take a B.Sc. degree in computer programming. I loved computers. I discovered that I loved “playing” with computers, but programming??? No thanks. So .. what to do? Rather than waste money I didn’t have going to university, I decided to move to Toronto, get a job and think about it. When I knew what I wanted to take at School, I’d go back. Simple, right?

Well, the first thing that brought that crashing down was my mother. Apparently if I moved to the big, horrible, Evil City, I’d be murdered, mugged, and raped (not necessarily in that order) within the first 5 minutes. While mother was lamenting the impending death of her only daughter to her friends, she hit upon another idea for me. Why didn’t I go to Germany and live with her friend Inge? I could learn German, see Europe, work for Inge’s company and it would keep me out of the Evil City.

Hmmm. Let me think here. I’m 19. My choices are to (1) move to The Evil City and struggle to find a job & apartment and figure out what to do with the rest of my life or (2) have a free trip to Europe for a year or so? What to do … what to do… So the next thing I knew I was applying for residence/work permits and packing for my European adventure.

This seems like a good stopping place for the moment (and I really should get some work done today…), so stay tuned all!!

My first Blog .. so exciting, and so NOT something I ever thought I’d do.  I’m a pretty simple person - I prefer books to movies, I prefer CDs to MP3s, and I prefer most foods to be homemade over store bought.  Don’t get me wrong, I like technology, I just don’t necessarily think it has to be everywhere…

But let’s back up a bit here and introduce myself.  I’m Bonnie.  I’m a wife and mom, as well as a professional career woman.  My husband is a Stay At Home Father to our two boys who will be turning 8 & 14 this summer.  As they’re getting older, my Darling Husband is now thinking that after 8 years of “retirement” he’ll go back to work.  So he has enrolled in a College course - taking the Registered Home Inspector’s Certificate & Licensing course.

I commute.  Such a long process for such a short sentence … I leave my home at 5:15 every morning to arrive at my desk for 7:30 am.  And my 3:30 departure from the office gets me home for 6:00 pm.   I figure that my kids don’t notice whether I leave at 5 am, 6 am or 7 am, but they sure do notice if I can manage to be home for dinner at 6, or if I don’t get home until 7 or 8 (or 9 …)

Oh, and we have pets… several pets.  There are two kittens named Mack Truck & Princess Ebony Wednesday, 2 Rainbow Boa Constrictors named Kahn & Suzi, 1 canary named Tweetie Bird, 5 rats named Jack & Annie, Max (Jack & Annie’s 2 newborns don’t have names yet), and several tankfulls of fish.

I work as a Manager for a large Canadian firm and am presently thinking about that a lot.  I’ve been approached to set up a consulting firm with a person that I have worked with before and whom I respect a lot.  But I have a really good job, and making the leap to self-employed from having that certain paycheque every other Thursday … that’s a scary thing.  One of the many really wonderful things about my husband is that he really supports my career.  Heck, he quit working for over 8 years to look after the house & kids so that I could concentrate on my career.  That’s support!!  And it’s worked well for us.  He is really supporting this new concept for me.  Of course, there’s a lot of work to be done before a decision can be made - business plans, lining up a couple of clients to start us off, and figuring out how we’re going to keep the mortgage payments up while this gets off the ground. You know, little stuff like that…

My kids are terrific.  The little one is very sweet, cuddly and loving, but at the same time he’s a human Tasmanian Devil … he’s ALWAYS on the go, preferrably with a ball being thrown or kicked at the same time.  He recently discovered that his name means “Messenger of Destruction”, and how appropriate that is!!!  His favourite subject at school is math and he’s a really smart kid - he just needs to learn to Stay On Task!!  This is a frequent phrase in our house.  My older son is very quiet and sensitive.  He excels in French, English and is a talented artist.  He’s happiest when sitting at the library with a book… or two.  But he also loves going to summer camp every year and canoeing, snorkeling and horseback riding all day.

Okay, speaking of Staying On Task .. it’s the first of the month, one of by busiest days and I need to get to work!!  But I’ll check back again and update more soon!!