On my way to Mother Hood

2 small words Over Due, I thought it wouldn’t happen to me, I thought that my baby would be one of those first rare babies to come right on her due date and that nine months really meant nine months. Well I was totally wrong, I am now 4 days over due and going completely nuts.

Its the constant flow of phone calls from in laws and Mothers and friends asking if the baby had come yet and when you say no a twinge of disappointment appears in their voice  and the fact that I have tried all the old wives takes including raspberry tea, walking and rolling around on one of those big yoga balls trying to open up my pelvis that make me most frustrated.

Every day is disappointing. I wake up hoping to feel major contraction pains and that something about me will feel different but every morning is the same. I wake up and feel her little roll or turn and through out the day get some Braxton Hicks contractions but nothing.

I had this beautiful dream of a home birth with my Husband and I cuddled down in bed after she is born just the 3 of us, with the midwives gently coaching me on breastfeeding but instead I can now only see Joseph Brant hospital in all its sterility, with cranky over worked and under paid  nurses who are trying to cater to the needs of 10 + labouring women, epidurals being pushed upon me to make my labour go faster ( and reserach shows it can slow it down or even stop it)  to get me in and get me out like a little baby factory, belt monitoring and IV lines and all sorts of interventions that I have no desire to have.I see fake “natural advertisements” such as JB having birth balls which  are piled miles high in the ” whirl pool” that they encourage you to use which obviously can’t be used because of the fact  birth balls all piled into the tub and the fact that you would have to walk down the hall in front of other labouring women and staff to get in.  I see disease like MRSA,C-Diff , swine flu and VRE floating around and constantly having to ask every single nurse who comes to my door if she has washed her hands lately and then monitoring her or my husband monitoring her to ensure that hand washing and infection control policies are being properly followed. I feel I would have to be 100x more vigilant of the staff that come and go and I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the work needing to be done. I choose Midwives to have my home birth and little or no medical interventions. I don’t want to eat their crummy food, wear some stupid gown or plastic bracelet being tagged like a dog and I don’t want my baby tagged like a dog either.I don’t want to have to deal with bright lights, going in the car during labour and fighting the Ontario Health Care system and  then to be shipped off to some maternity ward with a room mate who I have no desire to have. Its like my own personal H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICK EXPERIENCE all because my baby will not come out as planned.

I realize that she will soon take over my life and she has plans but I am having a hard time with accepting a hospital birth. No labour and delivery nurse out there can comment on this blog promising me that it won’t be as bad as I think. I have been to the hospital myself, taken their ” TOUR”, listened to their speech and I still think its not the right place to have a baby. I have gone on 2 hospital tours and felt both hospitals are not the place to have a baby.

Hospitals are for sick people, I am not sick, I am pregnant and expereincing a normal naural event that isn’t in need of nurses and interventions, all I need simply need is a midwife who is trained in pre and post natal care and believeing that things happen naturally and informed choice is most important.

I know this frustration is steming from fear and anxiety about the birth but,  I would at least like to have control over where I can give birth and how I do it before my little Isla Bee comes into my life and turns my world upside down.

Hopefully she will come soon.

Hello All,

Ok venting time!

 My BFF is pregnant ( I know I mentioned this before but hear me out!)

There has always been a silent competition she seems to think that is between us! I keep telling her that a baby isn’t a race but a living human and she seems to understand so that aside here is my rant.

Start of Rant:

When I found out my best friend was pregnant I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that this girl was going to be a mother before me. Even more so I was upset that I have actually been trying and with no avail. She on the other hand isn’t trying and gets pregnant.

The other day I was talking to her on the phone and this is how the conversation went

” All the attention is great when you are preggies you are going to love it”

” I know I have mentioned this before ( friends name here) but this isn’t a race and a child isn’t a possesion they are a livivng human and you shouldn’t want a baby for the attention”

” Well see your are just upset bc for once you aren’t getting any attention”

” I really don’t care about the attention ( insert friends name here) I actually care about getting pregnant and raising a wonderful and healhty child”

” I just want a baby!” she said giggling. Need I say more the conversation continued until I said I have to go and make supper now.

So my question to myself is doesn’t she realize that this baby won’t be a baby forever, that babies grow into toddlers, who grow ino kids, you grow into pre-teens that grow into teens then adults. Doesn’t she realize that she isn’t thinking in the long term.

This is why I am so upset. Some of us are in the mother business to raise wonderful productive members of society who will hopefully make the bleak future of this suffering planet a little brighter. Then there are people who just want cute  babies and forget that babies grow.

End of Rant

Jeez I feel better now, I am so afraid for this baby ( who is the size of a pea) I hope my best friend will not ignore or push aside her child as they grow from infancy b/c that would be a shame.

 It’s painful for me to think about all this and still know that hopefully soon my day will come and I need to patient ( which is impossible believe me)

Yesterday I went and bought a book, I have been reading alot about being pregnant and I have realized that I am making myself crazy with it. My poor Hubby having to listen to my worries I feel bad for him. So listening to my cousin I decided to stop thinking about it ( after planning to write my vent tonight  of course) I went an bought a book that has nothing to do with babies at all and is a good old fashioned fiction and you know what it’s exactly what I need.

So a good rant ( on a blog where I am sure to get some loving and supportive advice) and a book ( that has nothing to do with babies) and I am good.

Also on a differnt note I got a new job which will no doubt help eliminate most of the stress I feel on a daily basis. Although it’s a little less money ( not enough to worry about ) it’s with a wonderful Not for profit organization. I feel that this months no baby came from the stress at work and I have been searching for a new job for a long time.

So the question is How long do I have to work somewhere to be eligible for EI and maternity leave I hear it’s only like 4 months and I have been working steady full time for the past 52+ weeks.

Well talk to you soon I guess and take care and good night ( off to read my book!)