On my way to Mother Hood

Hello All,

thanks to all who replied to my last post. I am sad to say my friendship with my best friend is on a hiatus at the moment.

I wasn’t feeling all that well today. I had this unusual back ache and I was just feeling crummy. I knew my period was due on Sunday but keeping with positive thoughts of babydust I pushed it to the back of my mind. However when I got home and settled down for some serious internet surfing recipies for cornflake chicken ( if anyone knows a recipe I am all ears!) I noticed this dull ache in my lower belly. Sure enough about 6 o’clock I went to the washroom and there it was my monthly unwelcome visitor. Tears soon there followed and with lots of kleenexes and some kind words my Husband he managed to  coaxed me out of our closet ( where I go when I cry not to embarass myself) and he assured me that this would take time and there is nothing infact wrong with me.

I know all women out there who are trying for a baby feel disappointment when their monthly visitor comes but, I feel totally down about it. I cannot figure out what is going on ( I mean we did everything the experts recommend).

Oh well so here begins cycle day one and I am miserable not only am I crampy and feeling sick to my stomach I have a house full of people coming this weekend ( Nanny and Grandpa tomorrow and then my Mother in law and Father in Law for tea on Sunday) I will need to clean top to bottom and be all hostess like and that is the last thing I want to do. All I really want to do this weekend is hang out in my jammies and maybe go to Wal-Mart for some wool.

Anybody have any suggestions on how to beat the ” I am trying for a baby but got my period funk”? Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Thanks for listening!

Hello,

Thanks to you who answered my last blog!

Let me start out by saying the fabric land adventure purchase was a total disaster that involved 1 hour of bobbin fiddling along with patching a hole and countless  seam rippings. The blanket I made turned out ok but in exchange for supper at my house my Nanny ( fancy name for Grandma) is going to come and do the other for me with me also giving my word never to touch the sewing machine again and sticking to making crochet blankets!

Recently I wrote about my best friend who was pregnant well she called me yesterday and said ” I lied to you?!” I said ” Oh really about what?” ” I am not pregnant” I was totally shocked. It turns out since she discovered I was trying to get preggies she felt as if she had to beat me to the game. Apprently because I got married first and I am younger she feels the need to try to get pregnant first. I told her that even though I am now hurt again ( after just getting over her whole pregnant lie in the first place) she shouldn’t feel like life events are a competition and she should just try to live her own life and follow her own rainbow and not to feel like her life has to be the same as mine.

To be honest  feel a little relieved. I was feeling stressed that she was pregnant before me and 2 other of my friends are pregnant too so her not being pregnant takes a huge load off. But I am also hurt by the whole thing. Why lie about something like this!

 Thanks for listening! 

Tonight I went out to Fabricland to get a patch for my duvet cover and something led me to the baby fabric ( I am a craft junky too i think and can’t resist super cute baby fabrics lol) I bought two panels for baby quilts and I am sitting on my couch crying because I know that I will quite possibly not be pregnant!

8 days till I can offically take the big test and I am so nervous and stressing. I honestly don’t think I can stand a negative test. I will be devastated. I want a baby so badly. Everyone around me is pregnant and happy and yet even with all the amazing things happening in my life ( super wonderful job, great Hubby and adoring family) I still feel like something is missing.

This weekend my Dude in Law came to visit us over night and we had such a great visit with him. Then he started talking about a grand baby and how excited he was that there is a chance and at the very moment my eyes filled with tears and I lost it.

I don’t know what I will do if I am not pregnant. It’s all i can think about. I keep looking for signs that I might be pregnant like well I won’t elaborate on anything but all you ladies know the feeling. My Husband tries his hardest but the other day he said something that upset me and made me feel worse about the whole thing” If we don’t get pregnant after all that then there is something wrong with us” so this begs the huge question:

Is there something wrong with me? Am I going to be a barren women? Am I never going to have a baby? Can I still be me without any hope of being a mom?

Do you see why I am stressing here!

Someone please help me lol Does anybody have any ideas on sure fire ways to get preggies? I know it’s hit and miss but I don’t think i could stand missing on this one.

Thanks to everyone for listening It means more than you know.