I woke briefly on the morning of Sunday, April 27 around 7:00 am and felt some light cramping.  I dozed off and on until 8:30 when I decided to get up, get dressed, make the bed and see if what I thought was happening was in fact - happening.  Matthew had woken about a half an hour before me and was with Mike watching a movie.  I went down to say good morning and see what they were up to. Mike looked at me,  and asked me what was up.  I told him, in a bit of a high-pitched tone - “Oh not too much”  to which he read into my cue perfectly.  We went upstairs while Matthew watched his movie and I filled Mike in on my suspicions that today was “the day”.   He ran up to Timmie’s to grab coffee but I opted for a tea from home instead.  Matt enjoyed his chocolate chip muffin for breakfast though! :S

I decided to sweep the floors and make sure the house was in oder.  I had a shower and sent Mike to the laundry room with a couple of small loads to run through.  By the time I was done drying my hair and getting dressed we decided to tell Matthew that I was having some pain.  I wanted to make sure though, because  didn’t want to disappoint him.   We were supposed to be going to a birthday party for my Uncle whose 60th birthday was that day.  We would still send Matt with Mom and Dad, but we’d hang tight home, just in case.

By 11:30 I decided we’d better get things together and head to the hospital - just to get checked as the contractions were getting closer - and stronger. This is happening very quickly.

I called my sister, who was my second support person and told her we were heading up.  By the time we dropped Matt off at Mom and Dad’s and made our way through town it was about 12:10 and we walked into Labour and Delivery at 12:15.

They hooked me up to the monitor and checked me, I was 5 cms and the contract ions were getting stronger and closer.  I decided lying down was horrible so I got them to raise the bed and I sat up in the bed.  What a difference that made!  The Dr. had prescribed  Dilaudid for pain, but really I was doing ok and didn’t need it.  He only lives 5 minutes away so he wasn’t sticking around but said to cal him when  got to 8-9 cms and he’d be right there.  There was a young female resident who was there who was fantastic.

After running the strip on me for about 20-30 minutes they suggested that I get up and walk for a while to see if I’d progress any more.  At the same time, another nurse (“spitfire”, we have affectionately nicknamed her) told me to get up and get in the shower with the hot water at my back.  My sister came in and held the nozzle while I sat backwards bent over a chair.  I have never had anything feel so good.  It was awesome.  However, it was short-lived.  I had a couple of small contractions while I was sitting there, but the third one was a doozie!!!  Holy Hanah, what was happening??  My body was pushing, right there on the chair!!  I told my sister to stop the water, I needed a cold facecloth and i told them to get me out of there - NOW!  Talk about scurry!  They were trying to get a johnny-shirt on me and get me to the bed because all I said was “He’s coming!”

Once they got me onto the bed they told me to hang on a second until they checked me.  I could hardly move I needed to push so bad but they were great and quick and worked fast to get me positioned.  Looked like the Resident was going to be delivering because there was no way they had time to call the Dr.  In about 30 minutes I went from 5 cms to TEN CENTIMETERS!!!!  We’re good to go (…like they had to tell ME that!)  When they checked me they could see his head.  All they said was “You tell us when you’re ready to push.”  So on the next contraction I pushed.  I could feel him descending.  I don’t remember feeling that with Matthew.  It was burning so badly, but it was because he was crowning and was moving very fast through the birth canal.  The next contraction I pushed again and his head came out and he turned to have his shoulders properly placed.  That was an interesting sensation.  Please let another contraction come quickly because this really burned.  It seemed like 2 hours, but it was probably on 45 seconds or so before the next contraction.  There was no way I was going through this any longer, he’s outta here.  “Here we go!” I said.   I pushed like I have never pushed before in my life and I couldn’t believe what I was feeling.   Out he came flying!!  Three pushes.  Maybe 10 minutes from the time I got out of the shower.  No doctor, no meds, no nothing.   There was no time - jumpins’ they were gonna send me walking for an hour!  It was now 1:52 pm and Marcus was here.

The nurses and the resident did awesome!!  They were so great!  I was as impressed with them as they were with me!   LOL  After they let Mike cut the cord and they had Marcus over checking him out, my Dr. came in.  I looked at him and said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be quite THAT fast!”  We all laughed.  He was there to watch the resident deliver the placenta and because Marcus came so quickly I had a second-degree tear, so he allowed her to stitch me.  She was wonderful.

During the stitching, Mike, my sister and I were all on our cell phones..lol.  The first call was to Matthew who was out at the BBQ.  The place went nuts when Matthew announced that Marcus was here.  No ne could believe it!

Shortly after, I sent a text through to my CPOers who were on stand-by!  It all happened so fast.  The next thing I knew they were moving us to our room and my sister (who is a nurse in the hospital) had to leave because of the visitor restrictions.

We had to wait four hours to feed Marcus but he slept beside us the entire time.  He weighed in at 8 lbs 1 ounce and was 20.5 inches long.

As I write this it is 1:00 AM on Monday morning.  We woke him to feed him at 10:00 pm, changed him and he’s been asleep since.

I wanted to get this much written down and typed in before there were parts that would slip my mind.  I’ll get more typed later and I’ll add pictures as well.

But, to sum it up quickly, simply amazing is the only thing I can say!

Until next time…

We’re never happy, are we? No matter what happens we can always find something to gripe about.

First of all, in my case, I became pregnant (not that I wasn’t happy about this, I was just stunned beyond words), then I wanted to be “12 weeks” pregnant, then I wanted to be “20 weeks pregnant” and past the point where we lost Emily, and then I wanted to be 38 weeks 1 day pregnant, past the point where I had Matthew and then I wanted Marcus to be here and now that I am at my due date I want Marcus to be here more.

Why am I not satisfied to just let time go by as it sees fit and enjoy things as they come? I know I’m tired, I know I’m sore, I know I’m cranky, I know I’m anxious, but I also know I’m thankful. Out of 4 pregnancies I have had the best, most wonderful 40 weeks that I have ever had in my life, even with all the tiredness, soreness, crankiness and anxiety. This has pretty much been a perfect pregnancy for me. No complications, no scares, no surprises. I’m so blessed and fortunate.

So why do I keep wishing time away?

I think it’s human nature. We (at least I) are always in such a hurry to get on with things that I very rarely stop to enjoy the moment and appreciate life as it’s happening. I wish my life away. Before I know it, Matthew will be grown, Marcus will be grown and then what? What happens then?

I need to slow down and not be in such a hurry to have the next event in my life happen. I really need to stop and smell the roses. Everything happens for a reason, in it’s own time, for it’s own reason. (Although the reason for me being awake at 4:45 AM totally baffles me at the moment…lol)

I am going to try to work on that. Relaxing, chillin’ out, just “being”. Wonder if I can do it?

Let’s start with enjoying April 26, 2008. We’ll see what he day brings, and if it doesn’t bring Marcus into this world, well hey, there’s always tomorrow, right??

Until next time….

Here I sit, all alone on a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon. Housework is done and everything I had to finish up for “work’ is done, as well. Matt spent the evening and subsequently the day today with my Mom and Dad, which is pretty much the weekend ritual lately. He loves it, they love having him and I had a chance to get lots of “stuff” done around here today. Mike is working day shift . This leaves me to sit and ponder the mysteries of the universe.

Will this be the last chance I have by myself? How different will our lives be days or weeks from now? Matthew seems to be thrilled about Marcus’ arrival; will his enthusiasm continue once Marcus actually arrives? I have a billion thoughts going through my mind and no answers. his is what frustrates me about this thing we call life. I have very little control over things until they actually happen. That drives me batty. I can prepare and I can surmise what is going to happen, or how I hope things are going to go, but until events take place I have to try to be patient and let the chips fall where they may. Easier said than done, I’m afraid. The unknown drives me bonkers!

I guess at the end of the day all I can do is try to be as prepared as possible - for any situation. I have to have several plans of action outlined in my mind and be able to draw on the fact that anything could happen.  Sounds like I’m getting ready for the Stanley Cup playoffs or something, doesn’t it? Well I am, kind of.  Life is my opponent and in order to win, I have to be ready for anything. I have to be realistic enough to realize that if it’s too good to be true, it probably is and just when I think things are running smoothly a kink will be thrown in somewhere along the line. It’s all in how you handle the kinks that will determine the outcome. As much as I believe we create our own destiny, we can only do it to the best of our ability to accept that things can go well and they can go not so well but how we react can have a definite positive or negative effect on any give situation.

So as I babble on like a woman who is 20 days away from her due date I realize that as long as I keep an open mind about the immediate future I can to some extent control how it is going to play out. If I fret over something that may or may not happen, I’m wasting my energy; which at this point can be directed in much better ways.

I have to have faith, I have to have confidence, and I have to have trust that I have handled worse and gotten through it all just fine. This is just another chapter. We will be thickening the plot and adding another character - the main idea may expand a bit also, but the general story line is going to remain the same. I must go back and refresh myself as to the strengths and weaknesses of my main character. A character study never hurt anyone - actually, it normally does me all the good in the world.

Now, enough philosophizing. Time to go enjoy this beautiful day.

Until next time…

Every day I become more and more fascinated that this incredible journey is about to finish - or start; depending on how you look at it.   As I sit and write this blog I am 26 days away from my due date.  It’s scary, exciting and very overwhelming all at the same time.  It feels like just yesterday that I was announcing my pregnancy and any day now I will be introducing you to the newest addition to our family.  It just goes to show how truly precious time is.  We are about to embark on quite a journey; another chapter if you will, of An Angel’s Island.

I finished up work a week ago and am now enjoying my time being a wife and a mother on a full-time basis.  It’s wonderful to be able to get up in the morning and putter around the house, do the laundry, cook meals and spend time with Mike and Matthew.   We are ready for the arrival of Marcus and to say Matthew is excited is the understatement of the universe!   We have the date marked out on the calendar and he is counting down daily.

Today I was finally able to get some pictures done with Matthew.  I have been trying for a while, but in the life of an 11 year old boy, other things always seemed to take priority.  We caught him today on a good day.  Either that or he  decided that this would be the day he’d humour Mom.  I’d like to share our photo-session with you.

We had fun and it was so nice to hear Mat interacting with the baby as Marcus was kicking away while these pictures were being taken.  I’m sure once Marcus arrives there will be moments of trying times, but so-far-so-good.  I’m glad Mathew has been such a huge part of this pregnancy.  It’s really been amazing to watch this entire process through his eyes.  It gave both Mike and I an outlook on things that we didn’t have when we were expecting Matthew.  The outlook through the eyes of a child - the eyes of a Big-Brother-To-Be.  That’s been special.

Until next time…

FINALLY! The nursery is 99.9% complete. Other than a few things for decorating purposes, we are READY!!

I’d like to share Marcus’ Nursery pictures with you.

This is me in the nursery at 33 weeks, 3 days.

I guess now all we have to do is wait. Although, it might be a good idea to get the rest of my house in order…lol. I’ve been quite negligent in that department lately.

*** I just posted this in the NS Board and thought to myself, “Self, that’s a good blog!” Soooo here we are…***

Holy Cow! Where is the time going? Today starts week 31 for me and I can’t believe it is here already! 63 days until my anticipated due-date! Good grief!

My house looks like a typhoon went through it. We hired a painter to come in and take care of papering and painting the two bedrooms for us. Mike and I don’t mind tackling any home renovation job, but we know enough NOT to tackle painting! It just would not be a pretty site, so it’s well worth my sanity at this point and time to have someone come in and do it for us. Plus, he’d take a whole lot less time than we would. I can’t wait until it’s done to be able to post some pictures! Everything from the two bedrooms has more or less been dumped in my living room, so we are living around a bunch of beds, boxes and bags at the moment. Oh well, soon enough it will all be back to normal…I hope!

Sunday night is my Baby Shower. At first I didn’t “want” to have one, even though I really do “need” to have one. I hate being the center of attention, and I’m sorry but showers drive me up a wall. It’s just not my cup of tea. However, I had no say in this. A shower was planned by my sister and my mother. One thing led to another and we now have about 90 people invited. I know that’s a lot, but you have to understand the size of our families. It would be absolutely impossible not to have that many invited. It’s almost like if you invite “this” one then “these” 10 have to be invited as well. In my community this will be the highlight of the winter (good grief! )

Anyway, I’ve been getting a wee little bit excited this week. Some of the girls at work have taken it upon themselves to provide and do the decorating, which I thought was so awesome! Everyone is really looking forward to it and they are helping to get me “in the mood” to have potentially 90 people rubbing at my belly (ugh!)

It will be good when this is all said and done because then I’ll be able to see exactly where we stand and what else we’ll need for Marcus. I can’t wait to have the nursery done and waiting! Hopefully it won’t be too much longer and the weather will break. I can’t wait for spring! It’ll be so different for me having an April baby. Matthew was an October baby, which made for a long winter being couped up in the house with a new born.

I suspect a great summer is just around the corner!

Ok, enough of my novel, but now you’re up-to-date!

Until next time…

Things are moving along, albeit at a snail’s pace. The last couple of weeks have allowed me to go through and do some major de-cluttering that I have been procrasinating about. I wish I was as organized as I was over Christmas!

Two weeks ago we had a huge rain storm and the water decided to make its way into our basement. Our workshop has been anything but a workshop and more of a dumping ground which meant instead of concentrating on stopping the water from coming in hubby first had to clear out all the junk. What a mess. He made endless trips to the dump and there was lots of bags on the curb the following week for garbage day! Things are settled back and we actually have a work shop that you can walk into and around now.

I tackled the kitchen and bathroom cupboards. Am I the only one who has “junk cupboards”? Good grief! Where does the stuff come from? And can you answer me another question? What happens with the plastics? There’s a cover and a missing bottom, or a bottom and a missing cover. What’s up with that??? Sets me crazy! I’m pleased that that is done and I actually managed to make lots of room and got things reorganized and it seems to be more “workable” now! That made me happy!

Mike has all of his work clothes and fire department stuff in the spare bedroom so he’s been working on going through all that. Matthew has decided that he wants to relocate to the spare room and give Marcus his room. Oh horray! That means I have 2 rooms to total dismantle, paint and reorganize. Oh well. I want Matthew to enjoy getting things ready for Marcus and we have been promising him for 2 years that we’d redo his bedroom. So now seems to be the time for that.

Over the weekend we went out and selected paint colours and border so we can get started. We’ll wait until the rooms are cleared out to go get the paint, but at least we all agreed on colour schemes.

We also purchased a few big ticket items over the weekend. I feel much better now knowing we have the crib, change table and a dresser. It’s a honey colour and although I had my heart set on white, I’m pleased with what we got. The dresser ended up being the biggest “success” as it was the only one left and it was a floor display. One of the drawers was not hinged properly and there were a few minor scratches on top of it. We ended up paying $50 for it instead of the already reduced price of $110 that was on the ticket!!! Once a runner is on top of the dresser, no one will ever know the difference! Mike already fixed the drawer and it’s as good as new! Yay!!!

We also got our travel system. I wasn’t really going to get the stroller/infant car seat combo originally but decided, “why not”. This way (as Cara so gracioulsy reminded me), I’ll have a good six months or so that I won’t have to take him in and out of the seat every time we get in and out of the car. My sister and BIL are getting us a Britax Marathon, but the closest place it’s available is Halifax, and now we have a little more time before we have to worry about getting that.

What else? I’m still feeling great. Starting to get tired easily though. My last appointment saw a 6 pound weight gain and I now weigh more than I did when I delivered Matthew (both pregnancies started out at the same weight). LOL I blame the French Vanilla Cappuccino from Timmies!! My tailbone and sciatic nerve are playing havoc with me, but we’ll survive that, too.

As I sit here this morning I just know I’m getting blasted with a major head cold … at least at this point I’m praying it’s a head cold and not the flu. I don’t like not being able to breath through my nose and I’m terribly agitated today. Hopefully this passes soon!!

Onward and forward we go.

Until next time…

Welcome to 2008!! Albeit 15 days late, better late than never. I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays and is getting through January without too much trouble. Hey! We’re almost halfway there!

So, what’s been new with me since Christmas? Hhmmm… all went well over the holidays, but I’m really glad to get things back to normal. Matthew really enjoyed his Christmas and was so thankful for everything he received. Every year he always says the same thing (to the point that when my sister phoned him this year she was waiting for it). He’ll come down and look at his stuff and then he starts: “This is the BEST Christmas ever!” and he continues to say this over and over and over again. It’s almost to the point of being a family joke now. It’s nice to know that he’s so appreciative!

On the pregnancy front, I am now 25 weeks, 4 days. Wow! Where does the time go? April is approaching faster than I care to admit. I am feeling absolutely wonderful and we are enjoying watching Marcus grow. He’s squirming and moving around like a flea on a hot shovel, which Matthew really gets a kick out of. Ever since before Christmas Matthew hasn’t made mention of the fact that he’s having a brother “instead of a sister”, so I’m hoping he’s adjusting to the idea. He gets up every morning asking how Marcus is and talks to my belly saying how much he loves Marcus. I’m just letting him do his thing and not making too much of a big deal about it. I think he has come to terms with it, though.

We have absolutely NOTHING done in the nursery yet. I have nothing bought. Remember how nice and organized I was at Christmas time? LOL, not even close. The spare room (soon to be nursery) looks like a typhoon went through it. It’s the junk room, literally. Everything tends to get thrown there and dealt with later, whenever that might be. We also have to paint Matthew’s room (before we start the nursery). We have been telling him for 2 years that he could have his room redone and I think if we do the baby’s room first, all heck would break loose! Sooooo, we have to muck out Matt’s room and get that done and then muck out the spare room and get rid of 90% of the junk that’s in there. Move a few pieces of furniture around and then we can start painting the nursery. Really, I don’t think it’ll take too long, it’s just to get started. And to get started we need a little bit of disposable income. Income tax can’t get here soon enough! Heehee!! Oh, it’s all good, it’ll get done!

We know everything we want; it’ll just be a matter of getting it when the time comes. The crib, change table and chest are coming from Sears and pretty much everything else is at WalMart. My sister and mother are having a baby shower for me on February 24. I didn’t have one for Matthew, because I didn’t need one. Between my 2 cousins they had 5 boys and they were 6 months to 8 years older than Matthew. I didn’t need anything. They had it all and gratefully passed it all along to me. What a switch this time. It’s been 11 years since there’s been a baby in the family, so it’s like we’re starting from scratch. What am I saying?? We are starting from scratch; it’s not like anything…lol. Good grief. Marcus is going to have everything brand new, while Matthew had 5x hand-me-down’s, in most cases. I think he understands — I hope he understands.

Mike and I went to WalMart Saturday night and did our registry. I’ve never done a registry before. It was so much FUN!!! I LOVED walking around the store scanning everything in site! And even if no one uses it, it will remind us of what we want. Registries aren’t a big thing around here. I’ve heard of them a few times for weddings, but never for babies. I guess we’re just behind in the times. My sister and BIL have already said that they’re buying us the car seat, Mike’s Mom is taking care of the play yard (it was a play pen when Mathew was a baby..lol), and Mom and Dad are getting us the monitor system.

There are about 90 people invited to the shower (that’s mostly extended family and close friends…yikes), so I dare say we’ll have everything we need when the time comes. We tried to scale things back with numbers, because I am so NOT a shower person, but with the size of our extended families, it’s impossible. If “this one” gets invited, then these 10 have to get invited, and if “that one” gets invited, then these 8 have to be invited as well. And on and on and on. See my problem? See what I’m not a lover of showers?? Oh well, this time I may be happy I have a big family!

I found something out last Thursday that was kinda neat. When I became pregnant with Marcus I was exactly the same weight as I was when I became pregnant with Matthew – 119 lbs. Now last Thursday and 24 weeks, 6 days I was 143 pounds. When I gave birth to Matthew I was 148 pounds!!!!! After 5 more pounds I will be heavier (with 15 weeks to go) than I was when I had Matt! I know, I know, every pregnancy is different, but I’m only little!!!!! If Marcus is going to be a lot bigger than Matthew, well I’m sorry, but these pelvic bones will only spread so far!! Matt was 6 lbs 13 ounces and that was quite enough, thank you very much. Mike says Marcus is going to have his metabolism. God help me! LOL Time will only tell. I feel good, and I guess that’s all that matters!

On or around February 1^st I get the gestational diabetes test done. Hopefully, there won’t be any issues with that, but diabetes does run in our family and they were quite surprised that I didn’t have it with Matthew. After that I’m back to my OB on the 7^th and I believe I’ll start every 2 weeks after that. Eeeeekkkk!!! I’m scaring myself again with these timelines!

Alright, I think we’re all caught up now. Maybe I’ll try to get a few more stories included to the pre-pregnancy blog. I think we left off just after Mike and I got married. Oh, there’s still so much to share. My New Year’s resolution ( a couple of weeks late) is to become diligent with my blog again.

Oh, here’s me and my belly at 25 weeks 2 days!

Until next time…

All right, so we are 13 days away from Christmas. I know I am constantly going on about how fast time is going by, but this is insane. Maybe it’s because my mind is so preoccupied, I don’t know. It just feels as though I wake up in the morning and then the next thing I know I’m waking up again and I got very little accomplished. Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way. I know I am getting things done; my tree has been up for 3 weeks, everything is bought, and we’re pretty much good to go – my question is this – when comes the time to enjoy everything? It’ll all be over and done with for another year and I think I’ll be wondering where it went.

I think part of the reason why things have been going so fast is that we had another appointment in Halifax for my 20-week ultrasound. That was on Monday. We decided to make a weekend out of it and took Matthew along with us. Other than having to relocate from our hotel we had a great time. The first place we booked looked great on the website. Let me tell you, when we got there I wouldn’t even take my coat off. We were there a total of 10 minutes and decided there was no way we could stay. I wouldn’t expect a stray cat to stay in there. So there we are, suppertime in Halifax with nowhere to stay. We drove closer to downtown and went in to the Cambridge Suites hoping and praying that they would have a room available for the 2 nights we were going to be there. Much to my delight, they were able to accommodate us! We got settled in no time and our weekend escape was able to begin. We went out and had a nice supper and by the time we returned to the hotel room, we were all pretty well beat. I think I was in bed before 10:00. What a snooze we all had, though. I was glad we were all well rested the next morning as we had a day of shopping planned.

Shortly before noontime we hit one of the malls. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m pregnant, but I couldn’t walk very far without having to sit for a break. My back was just throbbing and I must have been stretching or something because I had an awful pain in my side. So I’d sit and off Mike and Matthew would go exploring. Matthew loved seeing all the decorations and seeing the Santa Claus displays. I did manage to hobble into a few maternity stores and pick up a few things, which was fun. Shopping is shopping, maternity or not! We also had a pit stop at Toys R Us. LOL. Do you know how hard it is to shop for an 11 year old when he is there with you?? I ended up taking him to Old Navy with me and Mike did a marathon shopping session and managed to get the stuff out to the van and camouflaged. Hopefully we don’t get busted on the way home! We grabbed a bite to eat later in the afternoon and made our way back to the hotel room to drop off our loot before we headed out for a CPO gathering. It was great to see some of the girls and their kiddies again and I was really excited that Matthew seemed more comfortable and eager to play with the kids than he was during our summer picnic. Again, it wasn’t a late night, as we had to be to the hospital for our ultrasound at 9:00AM the next morning.

Only when we allow a ton of time for traffic will it happen that the mornings commute is relatively pain-free. We left the hotel at 8:15 and were sitting in the waiting room by 8:30, so we had a little wait. Matthew is not a good waiter. So he and Mike were making up stories to tell each other and before I knew it, they were calling me in for my ultrasound. The tech asked if Mike and Matthew were joining us, but I quickly and quietly explained to her that I wanted to make sure everything was okay before we took Matthew into the room. She was the same tech who went through everything with me with Emily 5 years ago, so once she realized whom I was she completely understood. We took no time to become reacquainted. After doing a quick scan she told me things looked great and the Dr. would be in shortly to go over the results of the Maternal Serum testing.

Two small issues resulted from the testing. The first being a 1 in 230 chance of spina bifida, which he immediately ruled out with the ultrasound. The second was a slightly about average chance of Down syndrome. He checked for markers in the ultrasound and was pleased to report there were none.

Before the tech went to get Matt and Mike she asked if I wanted to know the sex and I told her that we decided to find it out only because our son had his heart set on a girl and if this was a boy he would need time to get used to that idea. It was a boy. Oh wow, I was so sure it was a girl, but it didn’t matter to me at all. As long as he was healthy, I didn’t care one way or the other. Then Matthew and Michael came in. Matt was amazed. He could see the baby moving around and was so fascinated that he could pick out all the body parts that he was seeing. Then he asked the question. I told him it was a boy. Well, he crossed his arms across his chest, put on the lip, lowered his head and sat in the chair. Pretty much what I figured would happen, minus the meltdown. He now has 4 months to get used to the idea of a brother as opposed to a sister. And I don’t think it’s so much that he doesn’t “want” a brother, but he’s just convinced that if the baby was a boy, the baby would “copy” him and want to play with all his toys. Try telling a child with Asperger’s that that won’t happen. Trying to explain to him that by the time the baby is 2 years old he will be 13 and they will not want to “play” with the same things is like trying to talk to the wall. Actually I think I’d be able to reason with the wall better. However, now we have 4 months for him to get used to the idea and hopefully the feelings will subside over time. I am just very thankful that we didn’t wait and introduce him to his baby brother once he was born and have him be resentful or not accepting of a boy. I don’t know. Only time will tell if we did the “right” thing or not.

Anyway, everything was fantastic. I was given a clean bill of health (as was Marcus) and we don’t have to go back. I was told to come home and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy! Absolute music to my ears!!

So now I can concentrate on Christmas! My Dad had a knee replacement done yesterday and is getting along okay. Once we have him home next week, we’ll be good to go! Bring it on!! I am hoping for a wonderful holiday season and my plan is to give Matthew the best Christmas I can. This will be his last Christmas all to himself, so I want it to be special. Not that next year won’t be special, but it’s been all about him for the last 11 years. Next year we’ll have an 8 month old to join in our joy!

Here’s the latest picture. 20 weeks 5 days and counting!

Until next time…

Holy cow! Where is the time going? Days are turning into weeks and time is just flying by. I don’t mean to be negligent, and really I have no excuse other than I guess I’m just being too passive these days.

I can’t believe I am working my way towards week 18 with my pregnancy. We’re almost halfway there! Unbelievable! Do you realize there are only 35 days to Christmas?? Okay, let’s try no to hyperventilate!

First thing first – I am doing great! I had my second appointment with my OB on Thursday and all the test results came back wonderful! The IPS blood work was negative, my PAP was clear, the ultrasound reports were clear and it’s all clear sailing!

In the 4 weeks since my last appointment I gained 5 ½ pounds (for a total of 12 ½ pounds since finding out I was pregnant), my uterus measured at 13 cms and the baby’s heartbeat was 160. All in all a very good visit!

In 3 weeks (December 10) we will be heading back to Halifax for my 20-week ultrasound. I’m really excited about this because as it stands now we are going to take Matthew with us. I’d love for him to be able to see his baby brother or sister during the ultrasound.

He is so involved in this pregnancy. It’s totally different than when I was pregnant with Emily. He was 5 years old then and I don’t think he really understood what was going on but he certainly does now. (He was in my bedroom the other day while I was getting dressed and asked me if that was “extendable underwear” that I was wearing! Good grief!) I told him that I have been feeling movement and he is so excited about being able to feel the baby kick for himself. Hopefully by Christmas time his wish will come true!

Speaking of Christmas I had a busy weekend. I now have about 95% of my shopping done and the two trees are up and decorated. Two trees? Yes, I have my “pretty tree” upstairs in the living room and Matthew’s tree where Santa Claus leaves the presents is down in our rec room. This was the first year that I can remember Matthew being really involved in the decorating. I had the Christmas tunes blaring and him and I had a great time on Saturday decorating the tree upstairs. He amazed me with how many of the Christmas songs he remembered the words to. It was lots of fun.

On Sunday Matt and Mike took on the task of decorating the downstairs tree while I attended a Tea and Sale with my Mom and Mother-in-law. I arrived home to find supper cooked and sat to a wonderful meal. After supper hubby informed me that he was doing the dishes and I was to go have a nap. What a guy! How do I repay him? By being an absolute moron. Let me explain.

Got up from my nap and came downstairs to see how the tree looked. Matt decorated it with just a little help from Nanny. He was so proud. The tree looked fantastic! I was so proud of him. Then I turned into Jekyll and Hyde. I turned around and looked at the basement. It looked as though a bomb exploded in the rec room. There were Rubbermaid containers everywhere; there were strands of lights and empty boxes from one end of the room to the other. There was a bunch of Matt’s toys scattered everywhere. To say I lost my mind is an understatement. I yelled, I hollered, I went ballistic. All in the presence of my son, but 100% directed towards my husband. As I was screaming I knew way in the back of my head somewhere that there was no need of me going on like that. I couldn’t stop. I went on and on. Matthew became extremely upset and Mike got really mad at me. Finally, I snapped out of it. Matthew was crying and wanting to run away and Mike was blown away by what had happened. He got Matthew to bed as I sat in the rec room and cried myself silly. An hour later, Matthew was still awake. I went up and tried to tell him that everything was okay and to go to sleep. All he was worried about was that I hurt the baby. I told him that the baby was all right. I came back downstairs to find Mike cleaning everything up. He didn’t speak a word to me, nor I to him. I was listening to music on the TV and had tears running down my face the entire time. Finally at 10:30 I went upstairs and went to bed. I cried and I cried until I was sure I’d dehydrate. I didn’t sleep a whole lot.

When I got up this morning Matthew was his cheery, bubbly self and not a word was said about last night. Mike was talking to me but I could tell that it was only for Matt’s sake. I went to work feeling like crap. I didn’t hear from Mike until 1:15 pm, which is very unusual, but I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t want to call him because what I had to say couldn’t be said on the phone. I’d take care of this after work with my 2 boys.

I got home from work to find Matt having supper and Mike doing the dishes. I asked Mike to come sit and the table and once I knew that Matthew was done eating I told them both that I had something to say. I apologized for my behaviour. I told them both that there was absolutely no excuse for the way I acted last night and I wasn’t going to try to give them one. What I did was wrong. Period. I am very fortunate to have the wonderful family that I have and I treated them both like dirt last night. I told Matthew I was sorry for scaring him and promised him that he would never have to go to bed like that again. I would never go on that way in front of him ever ever again. I took advantage of them and again, that was wrong. I have a husband who would (and does) move heaven and earth for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I totally take his good nature for granted sometimes and that’s definitely something that I have to work on, big time.

Mike told me a little while later that he appreciated what I did by sitting them down at the kitchen table more than anything. It was just what had to be done. I was wrong. There’s no way around it. When I’m wrong I have to say I’m wrong. I have to accept responsibility for my actions. I have to teach my son by example, and show him that yes, even Mom can make mistakes. Everyone is human and everyone messes up from time to time. I hope he will someday realize that it’s okay to mess up. It’s how you handle yourself afterwards that’s the important part.

The lesson I learned? That my family loves me unconditionally; that I am human and I will have my moments and that when you’re wrong, it’s okay to be wrong and it’s better to admit that you were wrong and accept the consequences, be them good or bad.

I have a wonderful family. I am truly blessed.

Here I am last week at 16 weeks 2 days